Other Distractions
by wolfgirl2001
Summary: Takes place during Breaking Dawn. Bella and Edward encounter an entirely different set of distractions while honeymooning on Isle Esme. Does Jacob still have a chance? Bella POV, B/J, B/E
1. Starving

AN:

The Twilight saga and all characters therein belong to Stephenie Meyer.

This is my first ever fanfic. This is told from Bella's POV, and picks up during her honeymoon with Edward during the Isle Esme/Distractions chapters. I felt strongly that Bella missed out on a lot of the struggles in Breaking Dawn that she experienced in the first three books, so I am writing it based on how I would want the saga to go. Jacob is my favorite character of the series, so be warned if you are a Jacob-hater and/or Breaking Dawn ending lover.

Starving

I lay back, unfazed. Nothing could bring me down from this high. I was here, on my honeymoon, in the most picturesque locale I could fathom, lying next to my sleeping Adonis of a boyfriend- wait, no, _husband_. Well, technically he wasn't sleeping _per se_, but he was playing along well enough. He was flat on his stomach, his arms at his sides, head facing away, chest slowly rising and falling as he breathed entirely for my benefit. He was stark naked, a soft white sheet strategically draped around his marble-like backside- he had even mastered the eyelash flutter of a deep dreamer. Looking at him made my heart hurt.

So what if my ultimate plan for last night had not come entirely to fruition? It only gave me more to look forward to. We had loads of time, here on this stranded, deserted island. We had days, even weeks without distraction, which was all the time in the world. An even greater realization hit- we were married, we really did have all the time in the world. I laughed. I felt rested after a long and peaceful night's sleep, relaxed, all tension from the wedding and travel gone. The cottage was warm, but breezy, and I was lying next to my own personal air conditioner. I couldn't keep the smile off of my face. I was in heaven.

"How long am I to keep up this little charade, love?" Edward inquired in his sweet velvet voice. "You know that I don't get even remotely tired."

"Edward, sleeping naked and cuddling in the morning is what married couples _do_…" I started to reply, giggling and giddy.

Edward twisted his head toward me, half opened his eyes. "And what's next? A New York Times crossword puzzle? Am I going to have to force down coffee and bacon and orange juice? You know that we're not a normal married couple, silly girl," he teased, reaching out to lightly stroke my hair. The coolness of his skin radiated outward, pure heaven on the back of my neck. It gave me chills.

"I'm not so sure I would warrant the term _girl _after everything that happened last night, Edward," I said with a smile, "and if you would have let me finish, I would have been sure to say that this is what married couples do 'on their honeymoon', not necessarily 'on a typical Sunday morning'".

I suppose I might have been deceptive in my words; I _was_ still a girl in many ways. I had seen more of Edward last night than I had ever seen of him before, things definitely…. progressed…. closer to what I ultimately wanted. But when it came down to it, Edward just couldn't- go through with things. He was too terrified of hurting me, and instead he held me in his arms and kissed my face and whispered in my ear that he loved me, and to be patient. What else could I say? I was disappointed in the moment, but I knew things took time. I smiled to myself at how long it took for him to first kiss me, how hesitant he was that first time. We were long past that now. Practice makes perfect, _mind over matter_…

"Wow, you do the New York Times crossword puzzle on a typical Sunday morning? I'm impressed," said Edward, interrupting my train of thought. He rose up a bit, resting on his elbow.

"How about we try what I would _like_ to start doing on a typical Sunday morning?" I said playfully, lunging the six inches that separated us and grabbing forcefully at the sheet, ready to tug. He looked utterly gorgeous; the white sheet made his pale skin appear even more flawless. Edward raised his hands in surrender. I took advantage of his defenseless position to grab his wrists and pin them above his head as I straddled his hips. Though this was intended to be a fluid motion, I managed to accidentally knee Edward in the groin and bang his wrists into the headboard. He laughed softly.

"Bella, I don't know which part of you frightens me the most," he chuckled.

I brought my face down _very_ close to his, licked my lips and then slowly ran my tongue over his lips as well. "I think you should be most frightened about what I am about to do to you," I said. I managed to say it without even cracking a smile. Amazingly enough, my horniness and desperation were starting to overcome my self-consciousness. Thank God.

His expression changed, became serious. His eyes widened. "Bella…."

I shifted both of his wrists into the grip of one of my hands, knowing full well how little they truly restrained him, and started kissing his neck intensely while moving my other hand back to that damned persistent sheet. Started pulling downward….

"Bella….."

* * *

"Bella….. I'm so sorry," said Edward, coming up from behind me to spoon me. I lay on my side, gripping the sheet tightly around me, staring off into space. I took a few deep breaths, centering myself.

"Edward, I understand. You are afraid of losing control. I am just…..frustrated," I sighed reflexively.

"Bella, you are the sexiest woman I have ever met, and I will please you a thousand times over when the time comes," he murmured into my ear smoothly, softly, holding one of my hands, gently caressing my face and hair. "Just please, be patient, love. Trust me, you will understand."

"When the time comes? Edward, when is that? What could be a better time than this?" I tried to keep my voice even.

"Not today, Bella, not today. Soon. I promise. Be patient." He was still spooning me and put his hand on my waist, at the same time that my stomach growled involuntarily. "Wow, you sound hungry. Let's get up and I'll cook you a delicious breakfast. What do you say? Coffee? Bacon? Orange juice?"

I sighed again, sat up and stared at him, and then slowly gave him a half-grin. "I'm _starvin_g."


	2. Spelunking

Spelunking

Edward did feed me a ridiculously delicious breakfast that day- his food network watching had definitely paid off. He served it to me in bed with great fanfare, and a sweet kiss on the cheek. The meal brightened my outlook somewhat- I was full of energy, and though I couldn't harness it precisely the manner in which I wanted, I was also determined to have fun and was filled with a different sort of curiosity- one to explore this lovely island in which we temporarily inhabited.

After three days of constant hiking, snorkeling, fishing, swimming, kayaking, and biking, however, I was beginning to tire of all of the outdoor activity, and had long since seen through Edward's feeble attempt at keeping me occupied while the sun was up, and exhausted once it dipped down below the horizon. I hadn't confronted him, yet, but this was a _honeymoon_, for crying out loud. I felt that this little detail was particularly difficult to ignore when he would tuck me into bed at night and leave me alone to sleep while he went hunting. I probably would have cried myself to sleep those two nights if I didn't essentially lose consciousness the second my head hit the pillow. Edward hadn't even replicated his earlier move of spending time in bed with me to cuddle in the mornings. Clearly, that provoked too many indecent thoughts on my part.

I woke up the next day on the sprawling king-sized mattress, curled up in the fetal position on the edge, and felt a flash of irritation. Damnit, if I wasn't going to utilize the bed to its full potential, than at least I should take up as much room as possible sleeping on it. I sat up. Edward was sitting on a chair in the corner, looking at me.

Despite being upset, I couldn't help but smile at him. I held out my hand. "Come here".

Edward approached me slowly, cautiously; as I imagined he would survey an unusually large prey. He sat gingerly on the corner of the bed and met my outstretched hand with his own. He hesitated. "I'm afraid," was all he said.

I looked down at our intertwined hands, at our rings. "Edward, I'm your wife. I don't want you to be afraid of me."

"But Bella, you have such high expectations. I know that you are not trying to, but I feel an enormous amount of pressure. Putting myself in a situation where I have to hold back when my primal instinct is to release, let go- it's next to impossible. Like keeping your eyes open when you sneeze. Knowing that I have to do that just to keep from killing you; that's nerve-wracking enough. But now I'm also worried that I could never live up to what you have envisioned in your head for us. It's too much."

"Edward, I just want to be with you. I don't care how. It doesn't have to be perfect. I can wear just one sock or something," I said, in a halfhearted attempt to make a joke.

He saw my sadness hidden underneath my joke, and it seemed to change him. He nodded, seeming to summon his strength. His face became resolute. "Okay."

He leaned into me, pressing his lips to mine and wrapping his arms around my waist. He felt the curves of my body through the sheer fabric of my nightgown before starting to pull it upward. I had to laugh out loud, wondering if it would weird him out that the skimpy article of clothing he was in the process of removing was selected by none other than his own "sister".

"What is it?" he asked innocently.

"Nothing. I'm just happy." I smiled.

He took advantage of the break between our lips for a second to slowly lift the negligee over my head. He stared at me with his golden topaz eyes, entranced, and then quickly and gracefully removed his clothes, taking a very human-esque deep breath. He brought his cool lips back to mine in a gentle kiss and gradually lowered me back onto the bed and got on top of me, bracing his weight onto his elbows. The position of his body outlined his ivory sculpted muscles better than a spotlight. He was still kissing me, first tender and gradually more passionate, moving his hands agonizingly slow down my naked body, and I couldn't believe how excited I was getting, and I could start to imagine how excited _he_ was getting, and I was in pure ecstasy just anticipating what was going to happen next when-

He was suddenly backed on the other side of the room, in the corner- as quick as a camera flash. He was leaning against the wall and seemed to be trying to the best of his ability not to pound his fist directly through the plaster. He looked distraught.

"Edward? Edward, are you all right?"

"No Bella, I'm not. I can't." If vampires were capable of crying, I'm sure Edward would have been on the verge of tears.

"Edward, it's okay. It's okay, it's okay," I kept repeating, unsure of what else I could say to comfort him. "We'll keep trying. It will get easier."

He looked at me, then suddenly began to pace, at a somewhat frantic speed. "Bella, I need to go calm down. Get dressed and get your shoes on. We're going spelunking. I'm leaving to run some reconnaissance on the caves over by the mountain. I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Spelunking? Are you serious?"

"Sure. I'd like to get out of the cottage. It's an activity that we haven't done yet."

"Edward, we were about to do a different activity that we haven't done yet. One that I would rather keep trying to do again and again than go spelunking."

"Bella, I don't think that I can keep trying. It isn't getting any easier, like I expected it would. I'm not going to kill you over this."

"I wouldn't mind, as long as you were prepared to change me."

He glared at me coldly. "That isn't funny."

"So that's it? You don't even want to try anymore?"

"Bella, I promised you we would _try_. We've tried. I've tried. It hasn't worked. That's all I can do. I don't want to keep putting you through this frustration."

"And now you just want to spend the rest of our honeymoon spelunking?"

"Whatever you want to do, darling. Except _that_."

"Forget it, Edward," I snapped. "Let's just go home."


	3. Return

Return

Edward managed to smooth things over; a few reassuring words and his captivating smile was all it took. He promised me that I would get to experience _everything_ that I wanted, as soon as I was ready, after I was transformed. Though we both wanted my transformation to come before the end of the summer (within the next two weeks, basically), he was adamant that Carlisle be present when he changed me for my own safety, which eliminated the practicality of him making the attempt on our honeymoon. And while I may have been willing to wait a bit longer for Edward, I was no masochist. The thought of spending any more time on that island without trying to have sex with him would have been pure torture.

That being said, I managed to convince Edward to cut the trip short. That did put a bit of a fly in the ointment- our honeymoon was supposed to last three weeks, and merely six days had passed since we took our vows. Though I suppose I could have gone straight to the Cullens'and have Edward transform me the next day, I instead casually suggested to Edward that we set the transformation date for when the end of our honeymoon _would have been_. I had a completely selfish motivation- truthfully, I was really hoping that I could change his mind and we could try again sometime in the next two weeks. I wasn't ready to let go of the idea of having the most amazing _human_ experience I could imagine before transforming. The honeymoon environment no doubt added extra pressure; I was hoping that someplace familiar to us and low-key might be even more meaningful without creating the additional expectations. The _meadow_, yes… Edward raised his eyebrows and accepted my proposal immediately; no doubt he had his own motivations as well, namely, keeping me human for as long as possible, hoping to change _my_ mind. So after a brief discussion, it was decided that I would go to spend the next two weeks with Charlie. I think I would have rather spent the next two weeks with Mike Newton than alone with Edward if all he wanted to do was spelunk.

The only minor detail was that I had not yet run this by Charlie. Edward and I had just landed from our flight back to Seattle and were in Edward's Volvo when I figured that I might want to run it by him. I picked up my Edward-borrowed cell phone.

"Charlie?"

"Bells! How's the honeymooning? Don't tell me too much!"

"Uh, not so great, Dad. We, uh….had a lot of bad weather. Start of hurricane season, you know. The island was, uh….evacuated," I stammered. A pretty pitiful lie, but I think Charlie was probably happy at the news, so he at least pretended to buy it. Edward looked amused.

"Oh, okay, Bella," he replied, "I'm sorry…..you know, the weather isn't much better here…so what now? Are you, uh, going to be staying at the Cullen's?"

"Actually, Dad, I was hoping that I could stay with you. Get a little extra quality time in before heading off to…..Dartmouth," I quickly lied. "School starts in two weeks."

"Well, that's great, Bella!" Charlie sounded genuinely happy. "I missed your cooking up here. Though we need to get a new microwave, I forgot what you told me about microwaving metal lids…" I chuckled silently. How did he ever get along without me? It made me feel needed. Like I made the right decision. For now.

"So where are you? When should I expect to see you? Do you need someone to pick you up at the airport?"

"Uh, actually, Dad, we're on our way right now, we should be there in a few minutes," I said. "Edward's going to help me unload all of my stuff."

"Okay, Bella" was the warm reply, "I can't wait to see you."

As Edward's silver Volvo cruised up towards my old house he slowed it down drastically for Charlie's benefit. Charlie was waiting outside, in the pouring rain under a big umbrella, with a gigantic grin on his face. "Hey kiddo!" he exclaimed. "It's so good to see you."

I got out of the car and dashed toward Charlie, as much as to evade the rain as to see him, it had been less than a week after all, but gave him a big hug anyway. "You, too. It's good to be back, home, whatever," I mumbled.

Edward helped me unload the belongings Alice had packed for the honeymoon back to my room. Of course, everything looked the same from me being gone. Charlie hadn't changed anything, even though he didn't know I was coming back. I should have known.

Edward seemed to understand that I wanted to spend some time with Charlie, and that I probably didn't need to spend my first day or so back with him, after things had been so tense the last few days. After bringing the last of my bags to my room, he held me tightly in a hug.

"I'm going to go hunting with Emmett this weekend," he whispered. "I'm leaving tonight. I'll probably be back tomorrow evening or so. You're probably getting pretty tired of me."

"I could never get tired of you," I promised him. "But thanks. It will be relaxing to hang out with Charlie this evening. I'm going to cook him a nice dinner." I smiled.

Edward smiled back. "Good idea. Good night, Mrs. Cullen. See you tomorrow." He gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

After taking an hour to unpack and check my email, I went to the kitchen and started poking around for potential dinner possibilities. I decided to avoid making all phone calls- Renee, Angela- until I had a better excuse for why my intended three week honeymoon came to such an abrupt halt after less than a week. An excuse that a woman would actually buy. I had just discovered some veggies in the back of the fridge and was poking around for a protein to serve with them when Charlie came into the room and cleared his throat.

"Er- Bella, I spoke with Billy Black after I spoke with you. I told him that you were home early. I would expect a call from Jacob sometime soon."

Ah, Jacob. The other phone call I was avoiding. I had managed to block out our exchange at my reception for the last week, but I knew I couldn't avoid it forever, as much as I wanted to. I sighed. I had no idea what to say to him.

I suppose I wasn't going to have time to figure it out. Right then, the phone rang.


	4. Unreal

Unreal

I let the phone ring for a few seconds, taking a couple of deep breaths and trying to pull my thoughts together. Charlie took the signs of distress apparent on my face as a cue to get the hell out of there. He all but sprinted into the other room.

I picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Bella, you're home!" Jacob's husky voice came through the line. It was higher pitched than usual with anxiety. "What happened? Are you okay? Why are you home so early?"

"It's a long story, Jacob-" I started to say.

"Is he there?" He interrupted, "Your blood-… Edward? Is he with you?"

"No, Edward is hunting tonight. I'm here with Charlie," I explained.

"Bella?" he whispered, his voice almost inaudible. "Are you…..still human?" I could barely make out what he said.

"What?....Oh, yes, it's still…..me" I replied. It took a second to hear and comprehend what he had said, but I got it.

"Bella, I'm so sorry about your reception," he blurted out. Apparently me saying I was still human had opened the floodgates. "I wasn't trying to cause a scene. Really. I just-"

"That's okay, Jake. Honestly, I haven't thought that much about it. I've, uh, had a lot on my mind." He had no idea.

"Come see me," said Jake suddenly. "Please. I really want to see you."

"Not tonight, Jake, I just got back, and I promised Charlie I would make him a nice dinner and---"

"_Please_, Bella," his voice sounded tortured.

"Well, okay. I guess. But can you pick me up? I don't really like driving my new car."

He paused a second. "Sure thing. Be there soon." Despite his earlier seriousness, I could almost _hear_ him grinning on the other end of the line.

* * *

Jacob arrived about twenty minutes later. Obviously, he could have run a lot faster, but he stayed true to his promise and pulled up in his Volkswagen Rabbit. As soon as I stepped outside, I could see his face light up through the windshield. It was still lightly drizzling, but he jumped out of his car in a flash and ran towards me anyway, giving me an enormous hug and crushing me close to his chest.

"Jake! Can't- breathe- "

"Bella, you're just going to have to deal with it for a second. I never thought I was going to see you like this again," he said it matter-of-factly, but he had a look of amazement on his face. He looked tired, but was grinning from ear to ear, an interesting contrast. He didn't let me go. I took in just a whiff of his woodsy smell.

After a minute, I was really starting to feel a little bit light-headed, so I elbowed him and he finally released me. I took a step back and surveyed him for a second. For once, it didn't seem like he had grown in height (not that it mattered- he was already a monster), but even in this last week it looked like he had put on a few pounds, filled out a little more. His muscles were further accentuated by his tight black T-shirt and worn jeans. His face looked mature, and his demeanor seemed very calm, by his standards. He had gotten his self-inflicted haircut fixed, so that it didn't look completely uneven anymore, but it was still very short, reminding me of when he first joined the pack. The raindrops accumulating on his face and hair triggered a different memory, making me think about that morning of my cliff dive, when he had saved my life.

"It's good to see you, Jake." I smiled.

"God. You too Bells." He grinned again. "Wet hair, pink cheeks, functioning circulatory system. You look so beautiful. Just how I always wanted to remember you."

"Jake, it's only been a week, for crying out loud," I couldn't help grinning wider. "Stop being so dramatic."

"Yes, that's a good point, Miss Swa- I mean, Bella." He realized his flub, became flustered. He quickly went back to his question. "It _has_ only been a week. Why are you back so soon? What happened?"

"Jake, I'm not sure I want to discuss it with you," I said slowly. "I mean, no offense or anything, but it's kind of none of your business. Are we going or not?" I gestured to his vehicle and called out behind me. "I'll be back later, Charlie!" I didn't bother to wait for the confirmation; I knew I would get it. Jacob opened the door for me, then got in and started the ignition. We took off toward La Push. As he drove along, he seemed to be having an inner battle with himself- he kept taking a breath as though to say something, then reconsidering and keeping his mouth shut. I realized that the breathy noises he was making were as upsetting as anything that he could say. I sighed in defeat. "What is it?"

He looked at me intensely with his black eyes. He spoke seriously. "Bella, does your coming back early have anything to do with what we spoke about at your reception?"

_Almost_ as upsetting. "Huh? What are you talking about, Jake? I kind of blacked our conversation out…." I shuddered, remembering nothing except how forcefully Jacob pulled at my arm, how viciously he looked at Edward, his pack mates having to use all of their strength to pull him back. Not a moment I enjoyed reliving.

"Bella, don't you remember? When I told you that you couldn't have a real honeymoon with your bloodsucker" I let that one go, he was speaking so frantically- "- and you got upset and you said that you could do whatever you wanted; don't you remember that conversation?"

"I don't understand what you're talking about, Jake," I pleaded.

"Well, you know what I meant by 'real honeymoon', right? Was it everything you dreamed of? Complete with a soundtrack with that John Mayer song?" he inquired sarcastically.

I think I finally comprehended what he was saying. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. "It was unreal." I whispered.

"Unreal? Bella that doesn't make any sense, otherwise you would still be there—"

"No, Jake, I meant to say, that the honeymoon was. Not. Real," I choked out as a single tear slipped down my cheek. That was enough to burst the dam. A torrent of tears followed.


	5. Honest

Honest

Jacob, having seen me cry numerous times before, knew not to freak out. He simply pulled the Rabbit over, turned off the ignition, and moved closer to me on the seat, pulling me towards him in a comforting embrace. He let me cry against his chest while he hugged me securely and slowly ran his fingers through my hair. After crying this way for a good ten minutes, I finally had the strength to pull away from him. I looked into Jacob's deep-set eyes. "Thanks."

"No problem, honey," Jacob returned my gaze a moment before looking downward. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"You didn't, Jake" I said. I hesitated. "But I don't understand… Why did you say that to me, at the reception? What did you know?"

"Uh, know?" He asked, even though he knew precisely what I was wondering. The subject matter was clearly making Jacob uncomfortable; his eyes darted around on the floor of his car. "Uh, I had heard some things around. Vampire legends I was told by some of the guys in the pack. Stuff like that." He was obviously leaving something out.

"Jacob, you're not telling me the whole story. What is it?"

"I guess I'm surprised you didn't hear this from your leech," Jacob admitted, defeated. "Edward told me that he couldn't…well, you know," he said flatly.

That was not what I was expecting him to say. This was not possible. My reaction was extreme. I felt my eyes tear up again, this time out of anger. I squeezed my hands into fists so tightly that my fingernails dug into my skin (and having as short of fingernails as I do makes this feat all the more impressive).

"EDWARD told you that!?" I screeched at him, my voice shrill.

Jacob sighed. "Yes."

"When?"

"The night before the battle. In the tent."

I remembered their voices long into that night, even after I was asleep. I was in absolute shock. Anger, denial, incredible sadness. Another tear rolled down my cheek. "He never told me," I said in amazement.

"Of course he wouldn't. Why would he?" Jacob snorted. "Anything that might make you think negatively of him I'm guessing he would prefer to keep to himself. But I'm not surprised. There were other things he hadn't told you, weren't there?" That was low; Jacob knew that there were. Specifically, when Edward had flown me across the country instead of telling me that Victoria was back. _I can't_ _believe that Edward lied to me, again_, I thought.

"Well, what ELSE did you two gentlemen talk about at my expense? Anything you might want to fill me in on?" It was difficult to restrain my emotion.

Jacob was trying to tread carefully, but he couldn't help half-smiling at my 'gentlemen' reference. "Not that much, Bells. It's so unfair, he can read my mind when he's close to me, but it's impossible to know what he's thinking. I thought it would only be fair if I could ask him some questions that night. And he was gracious enough to give me some honest answers."

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I whispered.

"I tried to, at your reception," he chuckled lightly. "You obviously didn't want to hear it."

"But before that, then? I mean, I _married_ him, Jacob. Wasn't that important enough that I deserved to know?"

"Bella, you didn't even invite me to your wedding. I had to hear about that from Edward, too." He held his hand up to silence me before I could protest. "I actually really appreciated the gesture. He explained to me that you didn't invite me only because you didn't want to hurt me or make me feel obligated. But to answer your other question, Bella, I only had two conversations with you after I found out about his -uh- "condition", and before I saw you at the reception. One of those conversations was when you ditched me after I had been mauled by a newborn vampire, and the other…." His voice started to trail off for a moment, then returned more confidently; "well, let's just say, my mind was otherwise occupied. It didn't come up." He blushed suddenly through his russet skin at his choice of words. "Er, uh, I mean, it did." He gave me a sheepish grin and gazed at me for a moment before looking away.

"Jake…. I'm not sure what to say to that."

* * *

I made Jacob drive me home after that. I was just too upset. He understood, just complained cheerfully that I hadn't been to La Push in a while, and made me promise really visit him soon. I agreed. We talked for a few minutes about inconsequential topics- the pack, Billy, Charlie. As the Rabbit pulled into Charlie's driveway, the cocky part of Jacob's personality started to come out. I was relieved that I was so close to home when it happened.

"So, I suppose this might put me 'one up' on your bloodsucker, huh?" He teased.

I rolled my eyes. "Grow up, Jacob."

"I can, he can't. Ha!"

"He's not 'my bloodsucker', he's 'my husband', Jacob."

That silenced him. He became serious. As I went to reach for the door with my right hand, he grabbed my left with his own gargantuan one, dwarfing it. He held it up, examining my ring. "Bella, can I ask you a question? Do you think that sex is important in a marriage? More importantly, do you think that _honesty _is important in a marriage?" I didn't say a word; I just looked at him. It didn't matter how hard I tried to glare; the uncertainty in my eyes told him everything that he needed to know. He put his hand on his key in the ignition, looked thoughtful. I took it as a sign to leave and jumped out of the car. He called gently after me, chuckling, "You can't lie to me, Bella," before he threw the Rabbit into gear and sped off.


	6. Analysis

Analysis

I sat up in my room at Charlie's, fuming. How DARE these boys? Or things, whatever they were? They certainly weren't 'gentlemen'; they weren't even men.

I couldn't stop thinking about the things that Jacob had told me.

What did this mean for me and Edward? How could he keep such a huge secret from me- especially when we had made a life-altering compromise based on it? And _especially _when he had already told Jacob? It didn't make sense. I had sacrificed my values, my beliefs, and my reputation, done something that was so _not like_ me, when I accepted his marriage proposal. I thought about letting Alice spend so much time, effort, and money for the wedding. And I did it all because….well I love Edward and knew that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him anyway. I couldn't lie to myself though- I also did it with the expectation that I was going to get what I wanted, too. I know that Edward had me on a technicality- he never actually made any promises except to_ try_. But that didn't entitle him to be so deceptive, did it? I thought back to when he had lied to me before, after flying me to Jacksonville. In that case, he had been trying to protect me. What was his reason now? Was it to protect me? Or was it just to protect himself?

I thought about Jacob's last remarks to me. How dare he say those things! Of course I thought honesty was important in a relationship. And the sex….I kept thinking to myself, it's only two weeks! It's only two weeks! Then, of course assuming I'm not transformed into an unusually sadistic and bloodthirsty vampire, I might obtain a semblance of a sex life in….several months to a year. Whoopee. Maybe I should stop thinking about that. I vowed to myself to get Edward alone in the meadow within the next few days….it seemed to work wonders on him last time we were there. I would demonstrate to all of us that Jacob was wrong about Edward and that I could have what I wanted before I transformed. That was the point of me still being human anyway.

I also thought about Jacob himself. Was it wrong that I spent time with him with Edward gone? Did my getting married change anything in his eyes? I wasn't sure. Thankfully, we managed to avoid the "we love each other" conversation. Of course I still loved him; however, I could not see it doing a shred of good to anyone to bring it up, not when I was married to someone else. I was relieved that he didn't bring it up, either. But I wasn't sure where that left us. I still loved spending time with him, he was still my Jacob. Almost. Most of the time.

It took me a long time to fall asleep that night; the wheels were churning so vigorously that I had trouble turning my mind off. When I finally did sleep, I had a million nightmares. Thankfully, I couldn't remember a single one by the time I woke up.

Edward was in my room, sitting in the chair. "Good morning, love," he said softly, when he noticed my fluttering eyelashes. His voice sounded heavenly; was it possible a dream had somehow slipped into the last hour of my nightmarish night? No, he was right there next to me, flesh and blood- well; maybe that wasn't the best analogy.

"Good morning, Edward," I breathed. What was it I was upset with him about again?

"How was your scrumptious dinner? Was Charlie impressed?" he asked, a knowing smile on his lips.

"Uh, I didn't exactly have dinner with Charlie," I responded. "I spent some time with Jacob last night. You knew that, obviously."

He nodded in affirmative. "Alice saw you disappear last night. I figured that is what had happened."

"I'm impressed that you didn't track me down," I teased.

"Yeah, I couldn't even track your scent with werewolves." He noted my change in expression. "Sorry, that was tactless. I just figured I would go with that silly plan I brought up a while back about trusting you."

"Perhaps you shouldn't, Edward," I sounded glum. "We both know what happened."

He held up my left hand, kissed my ring. "Things are different now." He looked into my eyes. "How is he taking everything?"

I studied Edward's troubled face, there was no pretense; he was truly concerned. "Uh, okay, I guess," I responded. "Are you upset that I saw him?"

"I would be lying if I said that it didn't bother me at all, Bella," Edward replied. "I know how Jacob feels about you, and I know that there are probably things that he can offer you, that I can't…." his voice faltered, and he put his head down.

"Edward, that's not true," I said convincingly, putting my hand underneath his chin and pulling his head up to look at me. "Edward, I'm your wife, and I love you, and we are going to have everything that we could possibly want together," I was more determined than ever to put my meadow plan into motion and prove it to him.


	7. The Meadow, Again

The Meadow, Again

The next few days were relatively normal. I didn't see or hear from Jacob, but Edward spent every night in my room, of course. Charlie went to work; I cooked him nice dinners, particularly since I didn't cook him one on my first night back. Since I didn't have to go to school, or work, I started "packing for Dartmouth", which took little time, seeing as I had only really moved to Forks two years before and didn't have all that much time to accumulate anything. It was really just an excuse to hang out in my bedroom all day and think about things. Since Charlie didn't want Edward around when he wasn't there, I had the days to myself. I worked on my "seduction scene."

Sometimes Edward's mind reading abilities worked in my favor; sometimes they didn't. In my planning to bring Edward back to the meadow, they definitely didn't. It really limited who I could ask for advice, because he could read whoever's mind it was, with the exception of the werewolves or somebody pretty far away. I couldn't even imagine approaching Emily or Leah and asking them for sex advice. I would rather die first. So it looked like I was pretty much on my own. However, the catch was that I knew that Alice would probably see what I was doing anyway, and I would have to trust her to not think about it when she was around Edward, regardless. I figured she was my safest bet.

When I went to dial her number, my cell phone immediately started ringing. I picked up; of course it was Alice.

"Hi, Bella!" she said cheerfully. "You were going to ask me for some advice?"

"Yes, Alice," I muttered, embarrassed. "I want to surprise Edward. Really impress him."

"That's not all you want to do, Bella," Alice said knowingly, "Didn't I see you go to get a bikini wax this morning?"

"Okay, okay, you caught me." This was torture. "What else can I do? I was thinking of trying to find a way to get a picnic set up there, food for me….and I was thinking about having a bottle of blood in a wine bottle, do you guys ever do that? Can you get some for me?" I stammered, as quickly as possible. I just wanted to get this conversation over with.

"Sure thing, I can set it up, I would love to help. I'll get mountain lion, his favorite." she replied. And in a more mischievous tone, she added, "Oh and Edward loves red lipstick." She lowered her voice. "I probably shouldn't tell you this; I don't want you to hurt yourself. And I know that Edward has desensitized himself to you somewhat, so I am not sure how effective it will be. But if you really want to drive him crazy, than just lightly prick your finger and spread a couple drops of your blood on your neck, chest, and lips, if he can resist you after that, than he is much more restraining than I am."

"Thanks, Alice. I really appreciate it. Is there any way you can tell me how this plan turns out?"

There was a hesitation on her side of the line. Then she said carefully, "I don't know, Bella, I don't see it yet. Maybe soon." I wondered if she was lying.

* * *

Edward was supposed to go on a big hunt with the rest of his family for the weekend, so I mentally planned my seduction for that Thursday. I didn't have much to do that day, as Alice was taking care of the food details, but I spent some time making myself girly. I shaved every crevasse, tweezed my eyebrows, and painted my fingernails and toenails (red nail polish, of course). The color was in stark contrast to the demure looking colors that were applied to my face and appendages for my wedding; for that, I was grateful. I packed a small purse in which I included the lipstick, a condom (because who the hell knows?) and a small needle- the blood had to be fresh for it to be effective, so I wanted to wait until just before I needed it. I put a small cork on the end so that I would kill myself reaching in for it. I dressed in the skimpiest piece of lingerie Alice had gotten for the honeymoon; covered it with jeans and the blue top that I wore in Port Angeles when Edward and I had dinner for the first time (or I did, anyway), and applied some subtle makeup. I was ready.

I knew that I was making way too big a deal out of this attempt, but it was something I had to do. I needed to feel like I was doing everything in my power to show Edward how important this was to me.

Edward showed up at my place promptly at 7, right after Charlie and I finished eating dinner. I had told Charlie that we would be going out; he said to be back by midnight since I didn't have anything lined up for the next day. Plenty of time.

Edward immediately noticed my more subtle feminine grooming, he commented as soon as I opened the door. "You are looking exceptionally beautiful this evening, Mrs. Cullen," he said in his velvet voice. "I love your nails."

"Thanks," I blushed as my heart accelerated.

"What's the special occasion? Are we late for something?"

"I just wanted to go out, Edward. I spend most days here; I thought we could go somewhere else."

He looked quizzically at me. But rather than pursuing it, he reached out and took my hand. He gently pulled me beside him, and we stepped outside. I leaned over and whispered into his ear, "I want to go to the meadow. Take me there, please?" We got in the Guardian and he drove, quickly. When we reached the spot where route one-ten ended, he came over to let me out. He placed me directly on his back, and with his agile running we reached it in record time.

The first feeling that I had when we reached the meadow was one of….strangeness. I was not expecting it, though perhaps I should have been. Though I had a couple of the most incredible nights possible with Edward here in this little meadow, my first thought was actually…..Laurent. And Jacob, in wolf form, with his pack. It still slightly scared me, a bit, when I thought about how close I was to dying that day. And it reminded me for just a moment that Edward had left me. It sent a brief shiver down my spine.

However, that feeling was almost completely suppressed when I noticed how beautiful the meadow was. It was sunset, with streaks of fiery reds, oranges, and pinks whipping across the sky. A beautiful candlelit picnic was set up; a very elegant blanket was spread, a picnic basket on one side, a chilled wine bucket on the other. I was breathless- Alice had done a magnificent job. Edward was clearly touched.

"Bella, I had no idea that you were going to do this," he sighed. "That must have been so hard. I'm so impressed."

"Have a seat," I gestured towards the blanket. "I have more to show you."

I pulled one of the two bottles out of the wine bucket. It looked like an ordinary bottle of champagne. I slowly pulled the other one out. It said, in very bold writing: "Mountain lion blood! Bella, do not drink!" Gotta love Alice. I grinned.

I asked Edward to pop the bottle of champagne while I attended to his drink. As soon as I opened his bottle, the fumes seemed to waft straight into his nose- he noticed it immediately. "Mountain lion? Wow Bella, you're amazing!" In the meantime, he had used his fangs to open my bottle, and poured me a glass of the bubbly. We exchanged glasses, and I suggested a toast.

"What do we toast, Bella?" Edward whispered.

"Um, how about to _mind over matter_?" I suggested. "I used to love it when you would say that to me."

Edward's expression was completely unreadable as he clinked his glass to mine.


	8. Change

Change

Edward's demeanor had shifted slightly since the toast. It seemed like he was onto my plan. I decided that I didn't have much time to take action. I drank the rest of my champagne in a single gulp, summoning my courage.

"Edward, can you pour me another glass of champagne?" I asked sweetly. "Oh, and if you would tell me what's in the picnic basket, I'd love to eat. I'm _starving_!"

When Edward reached around for the champagne bottle, I quickly turned away. My purse was already open, so I grabbed the tube of lipstick and rapidly applied it while hunching down, _sans_ mirror. I probably looked like Courtney Love, but I didn't care.

When Edward went to hand me the full glass, he took an extra moment to stare at my lips. "Is that red lipstick?" He whispered.

"Yes," I said, my heart palpitating wildly.

Edward set the glass down gently on the ground, and leaned forward to kiss me. The kiss was a little rougher than usual, which I loved. He laid me down on the ground and began kissing my ears, my jaw line, my neck. Damn! If only I had applied the blood; the lipstick seemed to work like a charm. I debated as to when I would try to add that final touch, and decided to wait for a moment to see if things went further. He kept kissing me, but otherwise gave me no impression that he was going to advance things, so as much as I hated to do it, I briefly interrupted him.

"Edward, I thought you were going to feed me first," I said, trying my hardest to be seductive.

"Oh, I found myself momentarily distracted, Bella. I do apologize," Edward said in his velvety voice. "I didn't think you minded." He shot me a smile before glancing into the picnic basket and examining the contents. I took advantage of his momentary distraction to dive for my purse again and frantically rummage around for the needle.

"Let's see, a baguette, fresh mozzarella cheese, prosciutto, fresh basil leaves….." Edward was reciting. Meanwhile I had found the needle and was pulling off the cork. "…fruit salad, a couple of bottles of Evian…." I had successfully removed the cork and getting ready to prick my finger… "…and a brownie." Yes! Victory. I made the tiny poke and squeezed a few drops of blood out.

"Bella, are you all right? What is wrong?" Edward instantly glanced up from the picnic basket, on alert.

"Nothing, Edward, I'm fine. Perfect." I put my hand up to my neck and rubbed. Playing the role of a fidgeter, I was actually trying to massage the blood into some key areas.

"Bella, why did you just rub blood onto your neck?" I couldn't fool him. "Do you know how dangerous that could be for me? We are here in a secluded place, alone. No one knows where we are."

"But Alice…." I said weakly. "She probably sees it. She was the one that gave me the idea. I just wanted to turn you on, Edward. And I thought that my blood didn't affect you the same way anymore. Remember my birthday last year?"

"Bella, that was different. An accident. This is _purposeful_. Do you _want_ me to kill you?" It was getting more and more difficult to control the emotion in his voice.

"No, not necessarily….." I said quietly.

"Not necessarily?"

"I just want to drive you crazy, Edward. And I want you to make love to me. I want you to _want _to make love to me." I tried to stay calm, but it was difficult. I'd never felt so rejected. My eyes got glassy as tears started to form in the corners.

"Bella, it's not that I don't want to make love to you!" Edward nearly shouted, his voice never sounding less restrained. "I just _can't_, not with you now, human. We've _tried_. I'm so sorry." He put his arms around me.

"Edward, do you know you can't, or do you think you can't?" I asked him. Tears started to make their way down my cheeks.

That caught him. He sighed. "I know it."

"How _long_ have you known it? Since _before_ our compromise?"

His voice dropped to barely a whisper. He looked tortured. "Yes."

My emotions boiled over. I had suspected it all along, but it was different to actually have to confront the words. He knew. And he didn't tell me. He let me fucking _marry_ him. And he didn't tell me.

"How could you not tell me, Edward?" I demanded, a coldness entering my voice, pushing his arms off of me. "How could you keep something that big a secret from me?" I finally remembered why I was mad at him.

"I was afraid it would change things too much, Bella," his voice cracked. He was in agony.

"Change things? CHANGE things? Look what I am changing for you! I married you at eighteen, and I NEVER thought I would get married that young! I am about to give up the rest of my life, to turn into a VAMPIRE, to be with you! And YOU'RE worried about a little CHANGE?" The words just flooded out.

Edward spoke softly. "Bella, I never asked you to change for me. Everyone has seemed to understand the impact of such a big decision but you. I would love for you to stay human. You don't have to change at all."

I was livid. "Maybe you never asked me to change. But you did let me MARRY you, and all the while you were LYING to me!" I spat out. "Besides, I DO understand how big this decision is." Maybe I hadn't before, but I did now. Ever since Jacob had kissed me and I had visualized what my life with him would have been, I understood. I threw out the next sentence without really thinking about it. "I don't even know if I WANT to be a vampire now! And I don't know how we're going to make it if we can't even have an HONEST relationship! JACOB was the one who told me about this, not you! HOW COULD YOU?!"

My last few sentences really struck him. Edward froze, stiffened. "Well, Bella, I think that you need to think about what you really want before you make a decision," he said. He didn't even fight for me. _Damn him_.

"I'll do that, Edward," I replied bitterly, knowing that he wasn't going to try to alter my decision. Didn't he understand that I _wanted _him to? I was fuming, furious. I needed to get out of there, away from that romantic place. I picked up the full glass of champagne and downed it in one large gulp. Edward watched wordlessly as I stormed back into the forest.


	9. Blackness

Blackness

Edward didn't even try to stop me from leaving. Though all I wanted to do was fume about him, I realized that I was in a somewhat precarious situation, and tried as hard as I could to focus my attention on the task at hand. Get to the car. The sun was setting quickly, there was barely enough light to walk by now, and very soon there wouldn't be any at all. I knew that I was at least a couple of miles from where we had hopped onto the trail. Thankfully, since I had been to the meadow a few times now, as well as done a fair amount of hiking in the area in the last year or so (specifically, trying to_ locate_ the meadow with Jake), I felt significantly more comfortable in my surroundings. Plus, I realized my new Mercedes had a remote control with a spiffy little button to turn the headlights on; as I got closer to it I could use the headlights to illuminate my way.

After about a half an hour, it had gotten almost pitch-black, so I reached for the remote and pushed the little light bulb button. Thankfully, light blazed my way out of the forest as the ridiculously bright and expensive headlights of my new vehicle flashed on. Hallelujah! I hadn't gotten lost, and I was close to the car. It took me about five minutes to make the dash out of the woods. I felt a sudden surge of accomplishment. Given how klutzy I am, and that I had downed two glasses of champagne in the last hour, I made pretty amazing time. And I managed to hike the distance without getting attacked by a vampire, or running into any other unwanted predators, or even tripping and falling on my face.

As I reached the car, though, my good feelings faded, replaced by a smorgasbord of negative ones. I started the engine and took off down the road, not knowing where I wanted to go, knowing that I wasn't ready to go home. I needed to think. I was still in shock at the severity of my words to Edward. I was proud that I spoke my mind and said what was important to me, and he deserved to be chewed out. But I was a bit regretful at the last few lines that I spoke, particularly the part about not being sure about transforming. On the other hand, why did he just give up? Why couldn't he have fought for me, told me how much he _wanted_ me to be a vampire so I could be with him forever? Didn't he know me better than to know that's what I would have wanted him to do? Why did he have to be so damn self-sacrificing?

I also felt a newfound surge of anger towards him, as the realization that I hadn't exactly been in a safe situation in the last hour fully struck home. True, Victoria was dead, but to let me walk around alone in the woods at night? Drive that bells-and whistles car after drinking? He was the one who was supposed to be looking out for me, protecting me; if anything, he was overprotective sometimes. But now he's just letting me go?

I also thought about the implications of what he told me. He really _couldn't_, and there was nothing I could do about it. And he never told me, which was even worse. I had to get the news from Jacob, who was probably the least desirable person to hear it from, given his- conflict of interest. Or, rather, same interest.

I was thinking hard, wheels turning, churning, trying to make sense of it all. A voice pulled me out of my trancelike state.

"Bella?" It was Billy Black.

"Billy?" I asked, confused. I looked around me. I was in La Push, parked outside the Blacks' house. Now, how in the hell had I ended up here? It certainly wasn't a conscious maneuver.

"Bella, you have been parked here for about a half an hour. I just wanted to come out and make sure you were okay. Are you all right? It looks like your neck is bleeding."

Embarrassed, my hands flew up to my neck. "Uh, thanks, Billy. I'm okay; I just- scratched it. I'm really sorry; I just went for a drive to think about some things. I didn't realize I was here so long; I wasn't trying to weird you out. I'll get going now." I went to start the ignition.

Billy gave me a concerned look. "Why don't you come in and hang out for a little while? Jacob will be back any minute. He's just out for a quick patrol of the tribal lines. I know he'd be happy to see you."

"Uh, okay, I'll stay for a few minutes," I said. I supposed it wouldn't hurt; I was already here, after all, and I had promised Jake I would visit. "I'm just going to wait for him out in the garage." No more uncomfortable conversation with Billy, thank you very much. I needed to think.

"Sure thing, Bella. Whatever you want. Good to see you." Billy wheeled back into the house.

I headed for the garage. When I got there, I felt momentarily comforted. It was a familiar place, and it brought back some warm memories, despite the awful circumstances around which they were formed. The first thing I noticed was our motorcycles, leaning against the far wall. I noticed that Jacob appeared to be working on a different project, a different bike. I opened the door of the Rabbit; sat down in my usual spot, and smiled in memory of Jacob working with his hands, taking twisted pieces of scrap metal and small parts and gradually assembling them into something…. functioning, more complete. He had pretty much done the same thing with me back then.

"Bella?" Jacob's husky voice interrupted my train of thought as he came up behind me. "Bella, it's so good to see you! I'm so glad you came out to visit!"

I turned my head around to face him and he immediately saw the expression on my face. I must have looked like I had been through a war, because he looked pretty shocked. Though I could tell he had been ready to lift me up into another one of his bone-crushing embraces, he could see that at this particular moment I wasn't really feeling up to it. Instead, he sat down in the seat next to me and put his arms around my shoulders, giving me a much softer half hug.

"Bells, what happened? God, you look awful, honey. Are you hurt?" he said, trying to keep his voice light, but obviously worried. He took in the traces of blood at my neck, the remainder of my smudged lipstick.

"Thanks, Jacob, you sure do know how to make a girl feel better," I replied. Despite my state, I couldn't help but chuckle at his bluntness. "I'm not hurt….on my neck, anyway."

"What did he do to you?" Jacob whispered, pained.

"We just had an argument, Jake," I said, trying to brush it off, averting his eyes. "It's no big deal; I'm upset, but I'll get over it. Trust me; he didn't do _anything_ to me…" I muttered, my voice trailing off.

I had meant for that last remark to sound nonchalant, but Jake picked up on it immediately. "What is _that_ supposed to mean? What was he supposed to do to you?" His eyes narrowed, and then bulged as he suddenly seemed to make sense of my neck, my appearance. He started to shake. "Was he supposed to….uh…change you…..tonight?" he questioned me, looking at the ground, trying to control his quivering. I was terrified that he was going to phase.

"No, Jake!" I halted his train of thought before it went any further. "It wasn't about….that. Please, I don't want to talk about it. Please stop." There was anguish in my tone. Having just experienced the rejection was traumatic enough. I didn't need to relive the recent memory. I felt myself on the verge of crying, again.

"Bella?" Jacob had appeared to get a grip on himself. He was now completely focused on me. "What was he supposed to do to you?" A lightbulb clicked on behind as eyes as he put the puzzle pieces together. "If this is about what I think it is, than you need to know, that it is _him_. It is _not you_," he emphasized. He put his feverish arm back around my shoulders.

"Th- Th- Thanks, Jake," I stammered, as once again the tears started to fall. I was simply unable to control them. Jacob could clearly tell from my reaction that he had pinpointed the source of my unhappiness. He put his other hand to my face and gently wiped my tears away. He moved his fingertips from my cheeks to my chin, achingly slow, and he pulled it up just slightly until my eyes met his.

"Bella, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Nothing. God, if you only knew how amazing you are, how much of a turn-on you are…" He bit his lip to keep from saying anything more. His russet skin had even more of a reddish hue, and he had an intense look in his deep black eyes, one that I had seen a few times before. I knew what he was about to do.

He leaned in slowly to kiss me, gently pulling my chin towards his face. Like the last kiss we shared before the battle, it was hesitant, sweet, vulnerable. But even though his warm lips touched mine for just a few moments, I could feel their restraint, and could sense the pent-up passion and desire just beneath their surface, ready to explode outward. Passion that I was absolutely starved of. Passion that I had been accustomed to postponing with Edward. _Edward_. It took every ounce of self-restraint I possessed to pull away.

"I can't, Jacob," I choked.

His fingertips were still on my jaw, practically burning it. His eyes bored deep into mine. "Bella, you know that I'm still in love with you. I always have been. And I had given up hope, but then you had to come back to me with your heart still beating." He chuckled lightly, paused. He placed his other hand gently on my chest, felt my heart thump unevenly. "So I am going to keep fighting for you. I'm not going to give up. And if I'm ever lucky enough to get the chance to be with you, however you would want me to be, you need to know that I would never pass it up. I could never, never, reject you, Bella."

Oh, had I longed to hear those words. They were magic. Sweet black magic. I was under his spell. I had no self-restraint left; zero. I had used it all up. I reached my arms up to wrap them around his neck. He was on fire; I was on fire. "Then don't reject me," I whispered. I kissed him.


	10. Heat

Heat

I was being chased by an unseen object, a black shadow. I was running at full speed, and was amazingly agile considering I was stark naked. I was in hell. No, I wasn't in hell, I was just… in the pit of a volcano? On the surface of the sun? It was difficult to tell. Redness, heat, everywhere. I cried out.

"Bella, honey, wake up," I heard a soft, husky murmuring. "You're dreaming."

"Mrrrmmmmppphhhh," I replied, trying to understand, gather myself. It took a minute to comprehend; I slowly opened my eyes.

We were lying naked and Jacob was spooning me- I could see his tanned, muscular arms wrapped around me, his hands resting on my waist and hips. That would explain the heat in my dream- I was sweltering. We were in his bed, in his tiny bedroom. Bright sunlight streamed in through the windows. I slowly turned my neck to face him.

Jacob was positively glowing. His dark hair was spiked in all directions, he had a slight smile on his full lips, and his black eyes had a look of pure elation. His tall, dark, muscled body was pressed tightly against mine, refusing to let a millimeter of air come between us. I remembered once calling him sort of beautiful; as I looked at him now, I realized that there was nothing 'sort of' about it.

"Good morning, honey," he whispered softly.

The way he was looking at me made my skin flush. Or maybe it was just being so close in proximity to his scorching body. I was still groggy, but a few select snippets of the previous night started invading my memory. Making out in the garage. Carrying me to his bedroom, still kissing me, my legs wrapped tightly around his hips. Gently laying me down on his bed. Kissing me in every place imaginable. Touching me everywhere with his large, dexterous hands. Watching his completely defenseless and unrestrained excitement. Bringing wave after wave of pleasure to my unknowing body. The perfect combination of passion and tenderness. Whispering in my ear after it was over. Thinking that I was in ecstasy; and that physically this was the most incredible thing I had ever experienced in my entire life. _Oh_. _My_. _God_.

I didn't respond to him. I was speechless. I turned my head back around. As I did, a glint of metal flashed at me from his nightstand. A ring. _My_ ring. More memories from the previous night. Edward and I raising our glasses in a toast. Edward and I kissing on the blanket in the meadow. Edward and I fighting. The words I screamed at him. Leaving him. And seeing that flash of metal triggered a final memory- so disturbing that I wish I had repressed it entirely- Jacob softly kissing my arms, then my hands, then my fingers. My right, then my left. Thumb, forefinger, middle finger. Hesitation. Me, not wanting him to stop, _pulling off my ring_. _Setting it on the nightstand. Oh. My. God._

I suddenly felt sick, nauseous, like I was going to throw up. I wanted to be able to pass everything off on the champagne I drank- what I did, how I felt now. I had two glasses, after all, and I'm not much of a drinker. But I couldn't. I knew what I was doing. My heart started palpitating. My mouth was instantly parched. I felt dizzy. My breathing accelerated, became erratic. I focused on not passing out.

Jacob noticed the shift in my emotions. He moved his hand gently up and down my arm, softly kissed my shoulder. "Bella, are you okay?"

I looked at him again. I tried to speak. My voice refused to exit my larynx- it was trapped. I coughed, licked my lips, cleared my throat. "Ja-" I started coughing in a fit; I needed to clear my throat again. "Jacob, what have we done?" my voice came out in a strangled whisper.

As much as Jacob was trying to be sympathetic to my conundrum, he just couldn't. It was impossible. He was technically an eighteen year-old guy who had just gotten laid for the first time, for crying out loud- he was just too biased. He physically could not keep the grin off of his face. "Bells honey, I don't know about you, but I'd say we had the most amazing and spectacular night ever. I'd say that I'm so happy that I finally got to really show you how I feel about you, how much I love you, and what you would be missing out on if you gave me up, if you gave up your humanity. And I'd say we finally got to do what I would like to do with you every day for the rest of my life. And yours." He grinned again, but there was a note of sadness to it. "But that's just what _I_ would say, Bella. What would _you_ say we've done?"

My mind was spinning. More magic words. I was utterly confused. I had no idea what to think, what to feel, what to do. It was all a question mark. But there was one statement that I could not avoid saying. One solid truth, despite my confusion on everything else. Period. "I don't know. But I'm _married_, Jacob." I reached out; grabbed the ring. I held it up for him to see before sliding it back onto my finger. "Remember?"

Jacob shrugged. "I'm not going to feel guilty for loving you, Bella," he said matter-of-factly. "And I loved you long before the bloodsucker ever put that ring on your finger. Besides, I never vowed to be true to him- you did. Do _you_ remember?"

Ouch, that stung. I winced. But as much as I wanted to come up with a nasty reply- I couldn't. Because Jacob was absolutely right.

"Yes." I did remember. I thought back to that day- it felt like a century ago- so much had happened since Edward and I had taken our wedding vows. God, could it really have only been two weeks? I had been filled with hope, promise. The stark realization that I was already in bed with another man, wolf, whatever- after so little time, hit hard. I was reeling.

"Jacob, I have to go." I had to get away, to think. Seriously, what the hell was I still doing here? I jumped out of bed, started frantically searching for my clothes. But if Jacob had been glowing before, he was now a new moon. The gleam in his eyes had completely clouded over; his bright smile now a scowl. Four select words were all it took to make my Jacob, _not_ my Jacob. He looked like he was about to cry.

"Bella, wait. Stay with me. We can talk about this." He said roughly, desperately, as he watched me; having located all individual articles of clothing, I anxiously started attiring myself. He got up and threw on some boxers for my benefit.

"Jacob, I don't need to talk. I need to think." I softened my tone a bit in an attempt to leave him with a good memory. I finished dressing. I approached Jacob, hugging his waist, like old times. "You know that I still love you." – I had already done the worst thing I could possibly do to Edward; conceding this little truth seemed like so little in comparison. "I just- can't believe what I've done. I need to figure some things out."

He nodded brusquely, refusing to relax to my touch. "I understand. I'm suppose I'm just- afraid of what you'll figure out."

I released him; changed the subject. I was afraid of what I'd figure out, too. "Speaking of figuring things out, Jacob, what do you think that Billy knows? Do you think he told Charlie anything?"

"Uh, I'm not sure. He was asleep when we- passed his room. I don't think he's here now, but he obviously saw your car. But I doubt he's mad about it. If he told Charlie you were here, I'm sure it was just to keep him from worrying." He softened a bit; looked thoughtful.

"Okay, Jacob, I'm going to go now. Can you do me a favor?"

He sighed and closed his eyes. His response took some effort. "Sure, honey. Whatever you want."

"Can you…..not go anywhere near Edward? And if you do, could you please not think about what happened between us? I would hate for Edward to find out…..from you and not me."

Jacob bristled slightly at the sound of Edward's name, but then nodded. "I think that's a good idea. I'll do the best that I can. I'll try to keep the rest of the pack away, too."

"Okay. Thanks. Well….goodbye, Jacob"

"Goodbye, Bella. I…..love you."

I had no idea how long it would be before I saw him again. I sensed Jacob felt the same; he crushed me in a hug. I couldn't protest even if I wanted to, and I didn't want to. I absorbed as much heat as I could take in; trying to store it for later. I had a feeling I would need it.


	11. Driving

Driving

I trudged to the Mercedes and started driving toward Forks, though I didn't really want to go home. My mind was racing. I was driving so deep in thought that I wasn't really thinking about where I was going, which gave me a strange sense of déjà vu, reminding me of the previous night. Thankfully, I didn't know where Mike Newton lived. Ha! Despite my overwhelmingly bad state of mind, I had to halfheartedly smile at my lame joke.

I desperately needed to sort my feelings out for myself, before I was questioned by anyone else. I knew I didn't have much time. Charlie, Edward- I had a lot of explaining to do. I wasn't sure if Edward would have joined his family hunting this weekend after what had happened last night. So that meant I could have a couple of days if he left, and if he hadn't……a couple of hours, if that. My mind switched into high gear.

How could I do this to Edward? Temporary insanity brought on by hormonal imbalances as a result of severe sexual frustration seemed to be my only defense. Somehow, I didn't think that it was enough to acquit me in a court of love. I didn't _want_ it to. I thought back to when Edward said that he trusted me, kissed my ring, told me things were different. Yeah, they were different, all right. Instead of me kissing Jacob in what I perceived was a desperate attempt to keep him alive, I went and….did… what I did….completely of my own volition.

But….I thought about our fight. I don't remember ever being so mad at Edward, not even when I didn't know his story; thought that he hated me. At least back then he hadn't lied to me. So….maybe _that_ was my defense. I was pissed at being lied to, deceived, especially over something so important, something I had gotten _married _at eighteen for. And I was…exacting revenge?

This is ridiculous, I thought to myself. There was an elephant in the room. Well, not an elephant- a werewolf. I had been speaking as though my actions were entirely independent of Jacob; that I slipped because there was something inherently wrong between Edward and me. _Yeah, like he's a vampire, and you're a human_…_that can get in the way of things_. It certainly kept us from being as close as I wanted us to be. But just maybe, could I have cheated because I actually wanted to? Because my love for Jacob wasn't going to fade away in an instant when I stood in a white dress and said some words in front of a priest? _But Bella, those weren't just any words, they were vows_…I corrected myself.

It was starting to get darker outside; I could see some storm clouds rolling in. I allowed myself for a moment to think of the words that Jacob said to me this morning. _What you would be_ _missing out on if you gave me up, if you gave up your humanity… what I would like to do with you every day for the rest of my life…and yours. _They made me remember, once again, the vision that I had of the two of us together, when we had really kissed that first time. La Push. Sam and the rest of the pack. Billy. Charlie. And…children…..

I had never even thought of having kids before, but if all I had to do to kick it off is what Jacob and I did last night…..well, than I was pretty sure I could handle that. I thought again to Jake's beautiful russet skin; I saw so much of it last night. His beautiful white teeth when he smiled; I saw a lot of that, too. And his hands. And his….agility; he used to be as clumsy as I am. Not anymore. _Get your mind out of the gutter, Bella! _I forced myself to get back to the issue at hand.

Well, actually, maybe my raging hormones were onto something. I thought about biology for a moment; I had managed to absorb some of the subject despite sitting next to Edward in class junior year. I mean, if sex didn't feel so amazing than people wouldn't reproduce; propagate the species. Maybe this was my body, and my subconscious, desperately trying to tell me that it might want a child someday, pass down my genes, give something amazing back to the world. Someday; not now, but someday. I knew now that with Edward I would have no possibility of that. Not if I became a vampire; not if I stayed human. Ever. I thought about Rosalie; how much she wanted to be human, have a child. She warned me about the life that I wanted to commit to. I thought about her sad eyes, felt more empathy for her more than I ever had before.

I thought about my impending transformation- it was supposed to be next Sunday- just a week and two days away. Last night threw a pretty big wrench into things- or did it? Maybe it didn't have to. Maybe this, as opposed to my actual marriage, was supposed to be my last hurrah; my wild "bachelorette party" before the "big day". For me, being transformed had been my ultimate goal anyway; marriage was just the stipulation. I could explain to Edward that last night I just needed to sow some wild oats, or whatever that expression was. He was always so understanding. I would just tell him that I had made my impulsive and crazy decision, but that I was done with it and was now ready to move on and be with him forever.

Rain started to fall, big drops spattering the windshield. I glanced outside. The storm clouds were quickly blackening the sky; it was starting to look like twilight. _Ominous_. I glanced at my watch- 10:21 a.m. I flipped on the wipers. The rain was really starting to come down. I took my foot off the accelerator; slowed to a crawl.

But _was_ I ready to move on? Was I really ready? …_what you would be missing out on if you gave me up, if you gave up your humanity_…. Well, what would I be missing? Well, kids, that was established. What else? Uh, the activity that would lead to having the kids, obviously…. at least for a while. Maybe forever, who knew? I might not ever recover from newborn urges, might not ever be able to experience with Edward what Jake and I experienced last night. My mind drifted back….again….to Jacob and our previous night together. _Amazing_. And not just physically (although _definitely_ physically!). He made me feel so…._desired_, so wanted. His heart was wide open- he wasn't afraid to show or tell me exactly how he felt. And with him I felt so…..warm. Safe. Comfortable. Of course, that's what I would be missing out on most if I gave him up- possibly more than Jacob himself. It was the way he made me feel when I was with him.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!! A car horn honked loudly behind me. I looked up; I was parked at what I thought was a red light just on the outskirts of Forks. The light had apparently changed quite a few seconds ago, but I hadn't bothered to accelerate. Damn, I really had to start paying better attention when I drove; I was going to kill somebody. I glanced quickly through the rearview mirror at the car tailgating me. It was hard to discern in the pouring rain, but it looked silver. _Shit_.

Although it could have been attributed entirely to the weather, at that moment, I felt a chill rush through my entire body. It nearly took my breath away. Unconsciously, I reached for the heat; turned it on full blast as I accelerated straight through the traffic light. It took a moment, but the irony of my actions was not lost on me.

But just as quickly, the car behind me started to turn right. Upon slightly closer inspection, I saw that the car was gray, not silver. Definitely not Edward's Volvo. It completed its right turn and sped off into the distance. _Of course_. Edward would not have waited until I reached Forks before starting to follow me- he would have caught me right at the Quileute boundary line. Besides, I thought, chuckling slightly, Edward would never have honked. He thinks it's rude. At that moment I felt nothing but relieved that I would have at least a little more time to figure out what I wanted to say to him. I had thought a lot; decided nothing. I pulled into the driveway at Charlie's place, and dashed through the driving rain, running for cover.


	12. Phone Calls

Phone calls

There was a note waiting for me when I arrived at Charlie's, sitting on the kitchen counter. It read:

**Bella,**

**You will call me at work the second that you get this.**

**Dad**

I groaned. Well, here goes some of my explaining. I had already predetermined that I was going to be as honest as I was capable of; just leaving out a few details. Even if they were significant, mind-shattering, earth-moving details. I dialed his number at the police station.

"Forks Police Department," I heard a cheery voice say. Deputy Steve.

"May I speak with Chief Swan, please?" I requested.

A minute later Charlie got on the line. "Bella, I have half a mind to ground you until you leave for Dartmouth...." he started to threaten.

I thought about living with Charlie, my previous offenses. Leaving for Phoenix. Leaving for Italy to try to save Edward. One night out seemed small in comparison. However, for both of those infractions I had given him fair warning, either said I was leaving or left a note. Other than that day the time that Sam found me in the forest, I had never just not come home.

"But lucky for you, Bella, Billy Black called me last night and told me that you were with Jacob, so I didn't have to worry about you lying dead in a ditch somewhere." I couldn't get past the '_with Jacob' _part of Charlie's sentence. Those words now had an entirely new connotation. "Now, can you give me a reasonable explanation as to why you would spend the night at Jacob's after leaving the house with Edward?"

_Uh, I've been trying to come up with a reasonable explanation for that myself, Charlie_. "Uh, Edward and I had a big fight last night, Dad," I said. "I was really upset. I just needed to talk to a friend. And it was late, and I just…uh… fell asleep. I'm so sorry."

There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment. Charlie appeared to be considering. "So Bella, how was he?" He asked quietly.

_What?! Why would he ask me this?_ I immediately blushed; my mind was racing as I tried to figure out what to say to him. Certainly not what I was thinking. _Unbelievable. __Hot. Passionate._ _Sweet. Attentive. Sexy._ Stalling, instead I just blurted out, "What?"

"Jacob. How was he doing? How did he handle you and Edward getting married? Was he okay with it?"

_Oh._ Realization swept over me. "Yeah, I think Jake is okay, Dad." I wouldn't let myself say anything more.

"Well, since you are only going to be here for another week or so, and I really don't want our last week to be one where you are grounded and bitter, how about I just ask you to please just call me if you ever foresee this happening again? I just don't want to worry about you, and would rather hear it straight from you next time."

"Of course, Dad," I said. "Thanks." I couldn't believe he was letting me off the hook so easily. He had a preference for Jacob, clearly. But why wasn't he concerned about me spending the night with him? Then it hit me. _I'm_ _married to Edward. He would never suspect me of doing anything illicit with Jacob._ Somehow, his lack of punishment now only made me feel worse.

* * *

This weekend was going to be agony. The afternoon came and went without a phone call from Edward; I could safely assume that he had left to go hunting with his family. Edward had told me that they were going to Canada and maybe Alaska, they were also going to catch up and conduct some business with the Denali clan- I know Carlisle had wanted to discuss some things with them regarding my transformation. I knew Edward wouldn't try to contact me until they got back, which probably wouldn't be until Sunday night. Now that we had our fight, I figured that he was giving me the time and space to figure out what I wanted. _Great. _

By the time that Charlie got home from work that evening, I had straightened up the house, prepared a huge pan of enchiladas for dinner, and had called Newton's, begging to pick up a few shifts for the weekend. _"Back so early, Bella? I'm sorry, but we already have everyone scheduled, and business has been slow. We can schedule you the week after next if you want."_ Helpful.

After Charlie and I ate dinner, he retired to the living room to watch TV. Before picking up the remote, he mentioned fishing with some buddies the next two mornings, and something about preseason football Sunday evening. Our interaction, including dinner, lasted all of twenty minutes, and he was already ditching me for most of the weekend. _The weekend is looking better and better_, I thought sarcastically.

I went up to my room and sat on the bed. I had to talk to someone. I weighed my options- Renee and Angela were at the top of my list of people to call. Yes, I would need to do some explaining. But at least I could vent. But who to call first? I picked up the phone and dialed Angela's number. She wouldn't pry as much as Renee would. I waited a moment until someone picked up.

"Hello, Weber residence," said a cheerful feminine voice. Not Angela. Her mother.

"Hi, Mrs. Weber. This is Bella Swan. May I speak with Angela, please?"

"Oh, hi honey. I'm afraid Angela's not here. She went out with Ben tonight for his birthday. I think they went to dinner and are going to see a late movie. Should I have her call you when she gets back? It probably won't be until fairly late. I gave her a curfew of 1:00 a.m."

"Uh, no, thanks, Mrs. Weber," I responded, trying not to let my disappointment show. No point in calling her cell phone. "I'll just speak with her tomorrow. Have a good night."

"Bye, Bella."

I placed the phone back on its cradle and sighed, somewhat defeated. I wasn't quite sure if I was ready to face a conversation with my mother. I was relieved that Charlie hadn't told her that I was back and that thus far I had been able to avoid her inevitable questioning. Did I want to open this can of worms right now? I debated.

I was still holding my hand to the phone when it rang again. It startled me so much I jumped a foot and a half in the air; flailing my arms and accidentally knocking over the glass of water sitting on the bookshelf next to my bed. My heart was racing wildly as I gripped the receiver and brought it to my ear. "Hello?" I managed to get out.

"Hi, Bells." _Jacob._ My cute, light, nickname was in stark contrast to the deep, husky tone to his voice. It immediately brought forth a slew of lustful memories of the previous night to mind. Accompanied, of course, by equal feelings of guilt and remorse.

"Hi, Jacob," I said. I had no idea what else to say; figured that was good enough for now.

"I was just, uh, calling to see how you were doing," Jacob began.

_Completely confused._ "Um, I'm okay. How are you?"

"Pretty anxious, honey," he replied. "But then I just think about you and me last night, and it brings a smile to my face all over again." He paused, trying to keep it light, but I could hear the tension in his voice. "What are you up to?"

"Nothing much," I said distractedly after a moment, twisting the old-school phone cord around my fingertips. I had to smile. This phone had been in my room since before I was born. Classic Charlie. "I made Charlie some Mexican food. I just tried calling Angela, but she wasn't home. I was thinking about calling my mom," I rambled, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence. "And I….."

"Can I see you?" Jacob whispered, interrupting me. "Can I see you tonight, Bella? I can't stop thinking about you." The entire pretense of the phone call was gone.

"I don't think that would be such a good idea, Jake," I replied, my voice dropping to a barely audible whisper.

"Why not, Bella? Is it because you don't want to? Or because you're afraid to?" Jacob's voice sounded desperate.

I closed my eyes, trying to compose myself. I refused to give anything away with my tone. "Jacob, I'm going to go now," I said quickly. "I'll talk to you later." I hung up the phone before I could think or say any more. I thought better of it and "accidentally" left the phone receiver misaligned with the base. I'd had enough phone calls for one day.


	13. Intruder, Again

Intruder, Again

I awoke to a familiar sound- a high-pitched squeal scraping against my bedroom window. I had not been asleep long- I had spent the evening sorting through my CD's "for Dartmouth" and ended up listening to song after song, just thinking. Because I was in the very early stages of sleep, not dreaming yet, it didn't take me long to orient myself to my surroundings. _I'm in my own bed in Charlie's house._ It also didn't take me long to figure out the cause of the commotion outside my window. Tree branches. I looked outside. _Jacob._

To let him in or not to let him in? Well, I rationalized, he made the trip out here; he obviously had something important he wanted to say. I figured I might as well let him say it. I got up and strode across the room to the window, pushed it open.

Jacob was hanging on the branches, just like last time he sneaked up to see me in the middle of the night. I smiled at the memory. He watched me open the window; took it as a sign that he could proceed. He once again pumped his legs, swung several times to build his momentum, and released as he expertly catapulted himself into my bedroom, landing gracefully on his feet.

"Jacob, what are you doing here? What do you want? I-"

He strode the two steps that were between us and silenced me by cupping my face in his hands and drawing it towards his in a passionate kiss. His hands moved swiftly from my face to the back of my head, tugging on my hair, and then to my waist and the small of my back, pulling me close. His warm soft lips and tongue explored mine, before moving to a spot on my neck, right beneath my ear. He started nibbling, and I shivered and let out a completely involuntary moan. He liked that; went to the other side.

I didn't even try to resist. It was all a slippery slope. In my mind, the damage had already been done, the trust already dashed, the vows already broken- so what did it matter now? I forced the image of what I was doing to Edward, and what kind of monster that must make me, out of my head. Truthfully, it was easier than I thought it would be- the way that Jacob was kissing me, I was having trouble focusing on anything else at all.

Jacob moved his mouth to my lips and kissed me softly once more before pulling away. He leaned over and shifted his hands so that one was at my back, the other on the back of my thigh, and scooped me up into his arms. He carried me across the room until he was standing over my bed, tenderly lowered me until I was lying down on it, and gently positioned himself on top of me, resting his weight on his side so as not to crush me. He stared at me with completely unabated desire.

"Bella, I want _you_." he said quietly, passion oozing from his voice. "And since you left this morning, I have not been able to stop thinking about you. It's been driving me crazy. Kind of like this." He started gently nibbling that spot on my neck again. I gasped. He smiled, and continued. "And so now _I _want to drive _you_ crazy. I think it's only fair. I want to tease you, feel your muscles tense, make your skin flush. I want to do everything I possibly can to make you cry out with pleasure. I want to see your cheeks blush, your eyes sparkle, your body tremble. Honey, I want to make you come, hard, over and over again." Wow, a little dirty talk. _Now that was something that Edward would never say to me._ It was an unimaginable turn-on. Jacob softened his tone, continued. "And, Bella, when it's over, I want to hold you close, and kiss your face and lips, and run my fingers through your hair. I want to fall asleep and wake up naked next to you and spoon you like I did this morning. I want to hug you and wrap my arms around you and make you feel warm and safe, tell you I love you. I want to make you as happy as you've made me." He paused. "_That's_ what I want. _That's_ what I'm doing here. Does that sound like a plan to you?" He gave me a wicked grin, but I could see his underlying vulnerability. He couldn't hide it; he was just so…._expressive_.

I nodded my head slowly. I didn't trust my voice. Jacob was developing this crazy habit of telling me so much more than what I had asked him to. It was enough to kill me. Or at least change me. Passion burned behind my eyes. We kissed, and I let him do what he wanted. It was what I wanted, too.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, there were a few differences, perceptible shifts, than when I woke up with Jacob a mere twenty-four hours earlier. For starters, I wasn't as worried that we would get busted; there was no crazed panic over being caught. We had time. Edward was out of town for the next two days. Charlie had left to go fishing early this morning; Jacob, with his perceptive wolf senses, had heard him getting ready downstairs while I slept blissfully in the bed. Thankfully, Charlie didn't feel the need to open my bedroom door to say goodbye to me at 6 a.m. and was content with leaving a note. Usually his fishing trips took a while, and Jacob would hear him coming long before he would be a threat to catch us. Jacob had run over, so there was no vehicle for anyone to notice. And Jake's hearing had helped us out even in the throes of passion; he knew exactly what Charlie was doing, and would take appropriate action to adjust my volume accordingly. Billy was probably the one most likely to find out, because he would know if Jacob wasn't with the pack, but even so he would probably respond to Jacob with a shoulder punch and an "Attaboy," as opposed to a genuine punishment.

I also didn't feel the same sense of impending doom; the same guilt and culpability and shame. Oh, those feelings were there, of course- but I had desensitized myself to them somewhat. It was like walking into a room with a smell strong enough to knock you over- and then not noticing it after a while. My mind's way of coping with that continuous level of stress- just flip the 'off' switch. I felt like my trust with Edward had already been shattered; now I was just stomping on the broken pieces. I simply accepted these feelings as a part of what I had done, and for some reason once I did that, I didn't worry about them as much.

But by far the biggest difference that I felt was in my motivation to be with Jacob.

Two nights ago, it took a perfect storm of emotions to lead to my infidelity. I was emotionally charged and distraught after my fight with Edward; adrenaline was already coursing through my body. I was extremely….frustrated. And curious, for that matter. Plus, the two glasses of champagne I had consumed had made me a bit less….inhibited, self-conscious. Liquid courage. Though I took full responsibility for kissing Jacob, and am thinking that things would have happened regardless, I'm not sure that without the champagne that I would have had the guts to make the first move.

Last night was different. The frustration was obviously absent. The curiosity was there, but in this case it was not a bad thing. Astoundingly enough, I still didn't feel inhibited or self-conscious. But in this case it wasn't due to anything psychoactive- it was just Jacob himself. That was where I think my comfort level with Jacob actually made things more exciting- I wasn't afraid of anything, because I knew that regardless of what I did, that Jacob would still love me, be there for me, want me. Maybe I should have known it all along, but it took his response yesterday to really prove it to me. I thought of his little speech. _What I would like to do with you every day for the rest of my life. And yours_. It gave me an absolute rush of power, invincibility. That feeling was a lot stronger than two glasses of champagne.

I looked over at Jacob now. He had woken up several times throughout the morning, making sure that Charlie had left and wouldn't bust us, so his sleep was pretty interrupted, and he was now taking a snooze. I looked at his exposed stomach, taut and brown; his powerful chest; his strong jaw; his full lips, slightly parted as he breathed heavily but evenly; his closed eyes, lashes fluttering slightly; his messed-up hair. God, he was beautiful. A thought occurred to me just then. _This is exactly what I wanted to do with Edward on our honeymoon._ I was glad that Jacob was still sleeping and couldn't see the single tear roll down my cheek.


	14. Eggs Benedict

Eggs Benedict

Jacob and I stayed in bed naked for the next few hours- talking, laughing, touching, kissing. It felt so…._natural_, so easy. Like when Jacob and I first started hanging out, before he became a member of the pack. Of course, that was after I decided that I was going to conveniently forget about what I was doing to Edward for the time being. What was done was done, I thought, it was too late now, blah, blah, blah- it was amazing what I could say to try to justify my behavior. I managed to somehow convince myself that I should enjoy this time with Jacob, because who knew what was going to happen in the future. I refused to think beyond the moment.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. I caught more than just a glimpse of what my future would have been if I had chosen Jacob. Unlike during our first real kiss, where I just saw mental images, a series of snapshots, I felt now like I was living it- like the camcorder was rolling. It was almost as if we were playing some crazy game of house, or acting in a dress rehearsal. It felt real and imaginary at the same time.

I'm not sure what prompted the realization- watching Jacob working with his hands, delicately crafting another carved wooden charm in my bed while I read; seeing him sneak a grin at me, lighting up his face and my heart- but it some point, the realization hit, and it almost knocked me over. _My heart is still beating. I could still choose Jacob_.

"Bella?" Jacob's voice attempted to pull me out of my inner battle with myself. "Are you all right? What are you thinking about?" His arm reached out and he gently closed his hand over mine.

"Um, not much," I said quickly, trying to come back down to Earth. "Are you all right?" I asked reflexively.

_Don't be ridiculous, Bella, I scolded myself. You're married, don't you remember?_

Jake grinned again. "I just spent two nights in a row with the most incredible woman that I know," he replied huskily. "And I still have her naked in her bed. I'd say I'm doing pretty phenomenal." His voice cracked with excitement. He looked down, embarrassed. The cocky part of his personality had vanished in the last couple of days- he seemed to realize how tenuous our being together was- and I'm guessing he didn't want to screw it up. He was my Jacob.

_Of course I remember, but people get annulments. They even get divorced. Look at my parents, for crying out loud._

I had to smile at his enthusiasm, embarrassment. I couldn't help it. "Me, too," I said. _Didn't you mean your vows? Don't you want to be with Edward forever?_

_Things have changed. Edward lied to me. And I want to be with Edward, but being with Jacob right now feels...perfect, too._

My inner dialogue continued, despite all attempts to quiet the voices. I felt the little Bella devil and little Bella angel that were hovering over my shoulders conversing. "_Don't you think that Edward being gone has something to do with you feeling this way? How would you feel if he was here?".... "Maybe space is what I need. Besides, I've known that I've loved Jacob for a while now".... "Then how could you marry Edward?" _Honestly, it was enough to cause a person to have a nervous breakdown.

Early that afternoon, Jacob had to return to La Push to scout the Quileute lines and talk to Sam. Not wanting to be left alone for an extended period of time with my thoughts, afraid that they would take over and I would develop schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder within a single day, I begged to go with him. Charlie was still out fishing; I made sure to write a note to him as we headed out the door. Jacob drove the Guardian.

When we got to the reservation, Jacob quickly left to go take care of business, promising he would be back as soon as he could. Billy wasn't there; I had the place to myself. I debated going for a walk on La Push beach, then quickly reconsidered. Too quiet. Instead, I went and turned on the TV, flipped through the channels, settled on Emeril. I turned the volume up, trying to drown out my own thoughts. _Bam!_ If Emeril couldn't do it, then nothing could.

Ironically enough, a few minutes into the show I realized I had seen it before- Emeril was making his version of Eggs Benedict. That I had already seen it was not unusual; they showed reruns all the time, and I watched the shows pretty often, trying my best to translate the gourmet cuisine I saw on the TV into easy dinner recipes for Charlie. But what was funny was that it was one of the shows that I watched in this very living room, the day that Jacob first told me that he was in love with me. He had kissed me hard, not allowing me to protest, and I had punched him with everything I had. _My, how things have changed. _I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Jacob returned a few minutes later, grumbling about pack responsibilities. Apparently Sam had roped him into attending some pack functions- something about some other tribes visiting or something. I don't know. I tuned him out about the details. All I paid attention to was that Jacob was going to be busy in a couple of days- that we would be separated. "_Bella, Edward is going to be back before then anyway, aren't you going to want to spend some time with him?_ _Talk to him perhaps?"_ the Bella angel reminded me. _Yeah, Yeah._

Also sensing that time was going to be a factor, and that we better make the most of our limited time together, Jacob asked me what I wanted to do next. "As long as you don't say cliff diving, honey," he specified with a grin.

"Um, we could go out to the garage. I saw that you were working on a new bike," I suggested.

"The garage, huh?" He raised an eyebrow and gave me a flirtatious look, his full lips pouty, before giving me a mischievous smile.

_Oh, yeah, that's right. The garage_. I had momentarily forgotten what had happened there the night before last. The kiss that had kicked everything off. The memory made my temperature rise just a bit. I looked awkwardly to the ground.

Jacob's kiss caught me by surprise; my eyes had still been focused downward. The first thing I felt was warmth, heat. On my lips, encircling my waist. The heat spread through me like a brushfire. From his jawline to my chin. From his torso to my chest. From his powerful arms and hands to my body, as they moved all over my back, dipped down to my butt, came back up to rest on my hips. By the time the kiss ended, I was sweaty, gasping for breath, and my heart was pounding erratically. "Or," I whispered, "We could just go straight to your bedroom." I blushed, my cheeks turning even more crimson. I slapped my hand to my mouth. I couldn't believe I just said that.

Jacob didn't say a word. Staring at me, he slowly reached for my hand that was still at my mouth, kissed it. Taking my hand in both of his, keeping his eyes locked on mine, he started walking backwards slowly toward his bedroom, gently leading me through the house. I marveled at his coordination- walking backwards without looking and managing not to trip over anything. The intensity of the look in his dark eyes almost frightened me. Almost. _Wow_. It was the sexiest look I had ever seen.

Jacob finished leading me to his bedroom, slowly shut the door. We stayed in there for the next eighteen hours.

* * *

I woke up the next morning with butterflies in my stomach. As mush as I wished I could say I woke up feeling even more relaxed than the morning before, I just couldn't. My first thought: _Edward will be back tonight. _

My second thought: _God, I'm ravenous. I need food._ I hadn't eaten since lunch the previous day- Jacob and I had been in his bedroom since mid-afternoon. We hadn't emerged for dinner. Needless to say, those two thoughts had my stomach all but doing cartwheels.

Using all my strength, I lifted Jacob's smoldering arm from around me and got up. I threw on my clothes from the previous day; got myself presentable. I headed downstairs to make some breakfast, hoping against hope that Jake and I were still unsupervised. No such luck.

Billy was sitting at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and reading the newspaper. He looked up at me knowingly and gave me a sly smile. "Well, good morning, Bella," he said.

This was too embarrassing. I was tempted to turn and run back into Jake's room. Unfortunately, my digestive system simply would not allow it. My stomach protested loudly.

"Bella, you sound famished. Help yourself to whatever you want in the fridge," Billy gestured to the kitchen. "And feel free to use whatever you find in here to whip yourself up a masterpiece. In fact, I'll have some of whatever you make, as well, if you don't mind." He paused for a moment, cleared his throat. "Oh, and Charlie called looking for you last night. I told him that you weren't feeling well and that I wouldn't let you leave; said you went to bed early. I'm sure that's why Jacob's bedroom door was closed for so long last night. Right, Bella?"

"Oh, r- r- r-ight," I stammered. I hesitated, trying to decipher Billy's message. _It sounded like a bribe- make him some good food and he'll cover for you._ I slowly approached the fridge, opened it, poked around. Not a lot of ingredients, but enough to get me started on something- and I could always send Jake out to get some stuff- he could make it to a grocery store and back in no time. This was important. But what to make? A light clicked on. "How about some Eggs Benedict? And home fries?" I asked, almost pleaded.

Billy had an expression on his face for a moment that was absolutely impossible to read. I held my breath. After a moment, he let his face go into a wide grin. "Sounds fantastic."

I heaved a sigh of relief; started removing some things from the refrigerator- eggs, cheese, potatoes, when I heard Billy's voice again. "Bella?" I looked up at him; he was looking straight at me with knowing and powerful eyes. It was intimidating- I almost dropped the eggs.

"Yes?" I whispered.

"Jacob loves you so much. Take care of him, will you?"

I gulped, nodded. It took me a minute to make sure my voice was strong enough. "I love him, too, Billy. I will." I tried to sound convincing. The first part- I meant it. The second- I just didn't know.


	15. Heart to Heart

Heart-to-Heart

Thankfully, Emeril came through in a pinch- Billy seemed impressed by his breakfast. As did Jacob- he wolfed it down, so to speak. While I washed the dishes and Jacob dried; Billy sat in the living room and watched TV. I could tell that Jacob was itching to be alone. And not that kind of alone.

"Garage?" he whispered, as I handed him the last dish, a mixing bowl. He quickly wiped it, shoved it in a cabinet. Probably the wrong one. I nodded. He reached out and grabbed my hand; called out to Billy. "Dad, we're going to be in the garage for a little while. If Chief Swan calls, can you tell him that Bella is feeling better and will be home this afternoon?" I shouldn't have been surprised that Jacob would be so presumptuous to Billy, but I was. However, I was even more grateful that I wouldn't have to deal with Charlie, so I let it go.

We walked out to the garage, hand-in-hand. But as soon as we got there, I sensed that Jacob couldn't just sit and talk. He needed a….distraction. He picked up a few scattered parts of the bike that he was working on, started assembling. I watched from the passenger side of his Rabbit.

He worked in silence while I watched him. Similar to when he told me about Edward, I got the impression that he was debating with himself, trying to decide what to say, how to say it. Despite the seriousness of our impending conversation, I couldn't help but look longingly at his hands as he worked. _God, those hands._ I bit my lip as memories of the previous few nights inundated my head.

I don't know how long it was- five minutes, two hours- but Jacob eventually broke the silence. I guessed he figured out what he was going to say after all. "I don't exactly know how to start, Bella," he began, using some unfamiliar tool to attach one unidentified motorcycle part to the next. "But I guess I just really need to know……what happens now."

I knew that this was coming, but for some reason this knowledge did not at all prepare me for it. I felt that this weekend with Jacob was akin to a moth spending time in a cocoon, sheltered and protected from the rest of the world. I just wasn't ready to emerge as a butterfly yet. But I would somehow have to. I was going to have to deal with this stuff eventually, leave this fantasyland that Jake and I were inhabiting, return to reality. I was just hoping to spend another afternoon avoiding it all. _Dammit._ I sighed heavily. "Jacob, I don't know."

"Bella, what are you going to do?"

"Jacob, I don't know. I'm not lying to you."

His voice became inflected with emotion. He spoke faster. "But you're going to do something, right? You're not going to go back to your blo-- Edward and pretend nothing happened, are you?"

"Of course I'm going to do something, Jacob," I explained, a coldness entering my voice. "You must not think very much of me to assume that I wouldn't."

"Bella, I don't think that about you- you just don't know how much that I _hope_ that you do something. So are you going to talk to him?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"What are you going to tell him?" His voice sounded strangled, tortured.

I looked over at Jacob. His hands were in front of his face. It almost looked like he was bracing himself for a car crash. I approached him, gently grabbed his wrists, pulled them down, looked into his eyes. I freed a hand, gently moved a piece of hair away from his face. I suddenly felt calm. The answer was there all along. "I'm going to tell him the truth."

Jacob stared back at me, his black eyes wide in surprise. "What's the truth?" he managed to get out.

"That we slept together. That we spent all weekend together. That I'm still in love with you. That I love you more than ever."

Jacob looked at me seriously. The words I just spoke meant a lot to him- the slightest hint of a smile appeared at the corner of his mouth. But it wasn't enough for him- he wouldn't allow himself to smile completely. "Anything else?"

I sighed again. "I don't know yet, Jake. I need to see how I feel when I see him. I need to see how he responds to what I tell him. I just can't promise anything else right now. I'm sorry."

"Bella," Jacob said, in a strained voice, starting to get emotional. He gripped my arms with his huge hands, squeezed, almost like he was about to shake me. It made me uncomfortable; got my attention- I looked straight into his eyes. "Bella. What do _you_ want? What is going to make _you_ happy?"

"Well, you're not making me very happy right now with your death grip," I stated, acid in my voice. His hands released me; he attempted to relax, but couldn't, and proceeded to start pacing. "Jacob, it's not cut-and-dry," I explained. "I wish it was. Right now, I can honestly say that I have spent most of this weekend thinking how fantastic our life would be if we were together, how happy it would make me. I can see it all, and I want it more now than I ever have. But when Edward gets back and I speak with him tonight, I don't know if I'll still be able to say that. I just don't."

Jacob stepped towards me as he started pulling something out of the back pocket of his jeans. Silvery, thin, with a red-brown wooden piece at the bottom. _A necklace._ He held it out for me to see.

It was the piece that he had been working on yesterday morning in bed. At the time, he had just been doing the rough shaping, so I couldn't tell what it was going to be. He had obviously taken some time to work on it since then- it must have been while I was asleep last night. It was breathtaking. A heart-shaped pendant. Carved into one half- an intricate wolf, sort of like before. Carved into the other half- my face, I could tell it was me, the detail was amazing. I looked up at him, mouth hanging open.

Jacob deftly opened the clasp on the thin silver chain, brought it up to my neck, refastened it. He looked at the pendant resting on my chest and smiled, but it was somehow sad. "I had to use one of my chains. I know it's too big for you." He fell to his knees, grabbing my hand with one arm and putting it to his chest. He put his other hand on the pendant, on mine. "Bella, stay human and be with me. I know that you're married, and I don't care. Your heart is still beating, and that's all that matters. It's not too late." His voice cracked with emotion, desperation. "I know that I don't have the money that Edward has. And that I'm not as sophisticated or as cultured as he is. But Bella, you and I can be together like we were all weekend- easy. No changes. And I will love you, and protect you, and make you happy, really happy, Bella. I'll make love to you, and we can have kids someday, and bring them around to spend holidays with Billy and Charlie. We can have a big family, and grow old together. I promise you, if you decide to come back to me after this, I want to marry you. I don't care how young I am. I want us to be together. God, Bella, I love you so much." He rose, pulling me up with him, off of my feet, into his arms. He kissed me, completely letting go, like Edward has never been able to, the kind of kiss that would linger in my memory the entire time I was gone- and it wouldn't matter how long that was. But it was too short- it was also the kind of kiss that he hoped would have me coming back for more. After a minute, he gently set me down.

"Go," he said. "Just….please….come back."


	16. Choice, Again

Choice, again

I turned away and ran from Jacob before he could see the tears streaming down my face. I reached the car, jumped inside. It took several minutes of bawling before I even felt composed enough to start the engine. When I did, I felt a sudden urge to move as fast as possible, put as much distance as I could between myself and what had happened with Jacob. I needed to think. As much as I loved spending the rest of the weekend with Jake, it definitely didn't afford me a lot of time to sort out what had happened between us in my head. On the contrary, it gave me even more to think about. I hit the accelerator.

Unfortunately, I didn't have time to organize my thoughts like the last time I drove back from La Push. As soon as I crossed the Quileute border, I noticed a car following me. I groaned. This time it had to be Edward; no one else would have kept up with me. I looked at my speedometer- I was going 85- and it felt like nothing in the Guardian. I smiled ruefully- _I miss my truck_. Upon closer inspection, I was able to make out the silver Volvo. I then caught a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror. My hair was a tangled mess; my eyes were red, puffy; my eyelashes sticking together; my face splotchy. _Wow, didn't I look fantastic. What a way for a newlywed to welcome home her husband after being gone for three days._ I returned my eyes to the road. I tried to block out everything except for getting home as quickly as possible.

When I returned to Charlie's, I waited a moment for Edward to pull his car up behind mine so that we could get out together. I obviously wasn't going to have any time to talk things over with Charlie, so I may as well use Edward as a temporary buffer- especially if Charlie was mad about last night. I had been hoping to avoid him entirely, but of course with my great timing we were catching him at home right between his fishing trip and his football game- his car was parked in the drive.

Edward got out of his car and strode up to me. He looked thinner and paler than usual- almost sick. His eyes were very dark; for having gone hunting all weekend, it didn't look like he had quenched his thirst at all. _What a pair we make_.

He approached me slowly. "Bella, are you all right?" His velvet voice was full of concern. He traced the streaks on my face where my tears had laid a path before drawing me close into a hug. His arms around me only resulted in me shedding a completely new set of tears. I cried in his arms for what felt like hours.

I was too upset to respond to him right away. It took several deep breaths before I was able to reply. "I'm not all right, Edward. I have to tell you some things that I don't think you're going to like."

Edward nodded in understanding. "Well, I don't think that in your driveway is the best place to have this discussion," he said smoothly, "Shall we go in and face Charlie first?"

I nodded. "Okay," I whispered. Edward put his arm around my shoulders and led me into the house.

Charlie was alerted to the door opening; I could hear his voice projecting louder as he came down the stairs. "Bella, is that you? Young lady, we have some things to talk abou-" He stopped abruptly and his eyes widened as we came into sight. He took in my disheveled appearance, my still-red eyes; Edward trailing behind me, his zombie-like state, his tear-stained shirt. "-t…" he trailed off softly. He was clearly unnerved. Nothing rattled Charlie quite like tears and emotions. He quickly added, "But we can discuss everything later. I'm late for a football game!" bounded down the remainder of the stairs, and dashed out the door. Within seconds we could hear the roar of his engine as he drove away. He didn't seem to mind in the slightest that he was leaving Edward and me alone.

I plopped on the couch in the living room, feeling robbed of the necessary energy to make it up the stairs. Edward sat next to me, began stroking my hair.

"Edward, don't touch me," I said, swatting his hand away. "I don't deserve it. I'm an awful person, and you need to treat me that way."

Edward looked remarkably calm. "Bella, are you all right? Talk to me, love. What happened?" he asked gently, fingers returning to my hair again.

"Edward, I slept with him. I slept with Jacob," I blurted out numbly. I figured I might as well just put it out there, get this over with. There was no point in my being any more deceptive than I already had been. "I'm a horrible human being."

Edward's expression was enigmatic- I couldn't tell his overriding emotion. Wistful, sad, understanding, comprehending. Surprisingly. I was expecting to be trying to decide between anger, rage, fury. "Bella, you're not a horrible human being," he said gently, "You're a human being. There's a big difference. You have needs, and I haven't been meeting them. You deserve better."

"Edward, no!" I shrieked, any composure gone. "Stop it! I _cheated_ on you! _I'm_ the one that's wrong here! What I did was inexcusable!" I choked out, sobbing again.

"But you were right, Bella," he said serenely. "I have thought about it a lot the past few days. I deceived you first. I should have been more upfront with you about my- limitations. It was completely wrong of me to let you assume that everything was going to be fine when I knew that it wouldn't be. You were utterly justified in your actions."

"Edward, nothing can justify what I've done! _Nothing!!_" I screamed, nearly hysterical.

"That's not true, Bella," Edward murmured, putting his cool fingertips at my chin, calming me. I immediately felt some of the angry heat leave my face. "Bella, how do you feel about him?" he inquired in his soft velvet voice.

I stopped dead in my tracks. I didn't cheat on Edward for revenge, or because I'm incapable of being faithful. Or even because I was a horny teenager. I looked down, formulating the words. Okay, there they were. Now I just had to say them. Deep breaths. In and out. Okay, I could do this. "I'm still in love with him," I whispered.

"Bella, what do you want?" He wondered, his voice low. He continued to run his fingers along my face, tracing my jawline, my ear. He stared at me with his now-dark eyes.

It was the second time in an hour that someone had asked me that. It was so hard to be sure. My heartbeat quickened, deepened. I had two amazing choices; most people are lucky if they get one. I was still looking downward, caught a glimpse of my engagement ring on my left hand. The shimmering stones, the delicate golden webbing. It was so unusually and heartbreakingly beautiful, elegant, unchanging- it reminded me of Edward himself. Edward's fingertips inched from my ear to my throat. He ran one of his fingers underneath the silver chain that was still hanging from my neck, started following it, slowly, slowly, to my chest. My pendant was nestled under my shirt- I shifted my gaze to it, but Edward couldn't see it, not yet. He continued to drag his finger gradually down the length of the shiny chain. Jacob's chain _was_ too big- the pendant rested almost squarely on my heart. I looked closer- I could actually see my heart pound beneath it. In that moment, I knew exactly what I had to say.


	17. Compromise, Again

Compromise, again

As it turned out, I didn't have to say anything at first. I had taken a deep breath, poised to speak the words that I never thought, in a million years, that I would ever utter to Edward Cullen. But in the meantime, Edward had slid his fingertips down the length of my necklace, and had gently pulled it towards him until he could see the pendant that Jacob had made. When he saw it, a look of realization filled his eyes.

"You want to be with Jacob, don't you, Bella," It was a statement, not a question. He sounded sorrowful, but still composed.

I slowly nodded my head, avoiding his gaze. I needed to be strong; looking at him would weaken my resolve. "Yes," I said softly.

"Bella, are you sure?" at the word _sure_, a note of anxiety entered his voice, causing it to waver a bit.

It was enough to snap my head up. _Dammit_- I had made eye contact. And now I couldn't look away. I examined his perfectly sculpted face, his eyes. How could I be sure of anything with anyone else looking into my beautiful husband's eyes? "I'm pretty sure." It was the absolute best I could do.

"Bella, we've done a pretty good job of compromising in the past. Seeing that you are still my wife, do you mind if I suggest that we try it again?"

I had no idea where Edward was going with this. But he had me. _I was still his wife._ I owed him so much more than this. Had our vows meant nothing? I felt sick. "I'm listening," was all I could mutter as shook my head in agreement.

"I just want you to really think about this, Bella. I was naïve in going along with your request to postpone your transformation. As much as I would love for you to stay human, for your whole life, in fact- I know now that it just isn't practical. Not only from a logistical standpoint, but even more so from an emotional one. Your being human just keeps us- further apart from each other- than either one of us deserves. I could never express my affection for you the way that I yearn to, and you would never be able to fully comprehend your desirability, or truly understand the level of my adoration for you. Unfortunately for me, that distance between us just isn't an issue for Jacob. Of course, it was silly of me to think that you wouldn't feel that distance as well, especially when you have him in your life." He paused, chuckled sadly, then continued:

"And then I had to abandon you this past weekend. Bella, I was trying my hardest to grant you your freedom, allow you to make your own decision about your transformation. I know how overprotective I can be with you at times. I remembered how upset you were when I had Alice babysit you when I went away. Alice had figured that you had spent a lot of time with Jacob this weekend because she couldn't see you, and I can't tell you how much I wanted to come back and steal you away. But I knew I had to let you decide what you wanted, on your own terms. I practically drove you into his arms." He winced for a second before his mask of composure was back.

"But Bella, your transformation is supposed to be less than a week away. Carlisle has been speaking with other of our kind, asking questions. Obviously, we don't often encounter those who would choose this life over a full human one, so your situation is quite unique. That being said, there is a chance that your transformation will be unique as well- another important reason that Carlisle needs to be present, why attempting that on our honeymoon would have been incredibly risky. Carlisle plans to keep a very close eye on the procedure, monitor your progress closely. But there is a chance that because the transformation was something that you requested, that your body may react more positively to the venom. Bella, your newborn stage could be much less severe. That would ease some of your worries, wouldn't it?"

"But what if my newborn stage wasn't less severe?" _Whoops._ I had meant that hypothetically, but I'm not sure if it had come across that way.

Edward sighed. "I don't know, Bella," he replied. "But what I do know is that, in a week or so, all of your insecurities -if you have ever questioned my feelings for you, how much I love you, how much I _want_ you- they could all be in the past. We could have an unbelievable eternity together, Bella. Look at Carlisle and Esme. Rosalie and Emmett, Alice and Jasper. They all seem pretty happy, don't they? Well, except for Rosalie- but she doesn't count. Anyway, the point is, love, that the next several days of frustration, and even a few months of crazed newborn behavior, _if_ that happens, will be pretty minute in comparison to a forever of happiness and love, which is what I promised you when I proposed to you. Bella, I meant those vows that I said to you on our wedding day. I want to love you forever."

My head was swimming with words. _Proposed. Forever. Eternity. Wedding. Vows._ I tried to push them out; focus on the task at hand. "So, Edward, on what exactly are you suggesting that we compromise?" There. I said it. To the point.

"Bella, I'm asking you that you don't tell me no right now. I'm asking that you take some time to think things through. You've made your decision after having spent a whirlwind weekend with Jacob; perhaps your perspective will change. You're supposed to be changed on Sunday! Let Carlisle and I set everything up for your transformation. Think about what it could do for you, for _us_. Bella, please, just think about it. Think about it until Sunday."

"So what is the compromise, Edward? What do _I_ get if I do this?" I knew that this sounded selfish. And that, ultimately, it didn't matter- I would agree to it anyway. Still, I wanted to know.

"If you wait to tell me your decision until you show up on Sunday, than I will be supportive of whatever it happens to be. If you arrive wanting to be changed, then you will make me happier than I have ever been in my existence, and myself and Carlisle will be more than glad to do the honors. On the other hand, if your decision is to be with Jacob, than I will respect it fully. I will shake his hand, wish you two the best, and file whatever paperwork is necessary to have our marriage annulled. But please, just wait to tell me, Bella. You don't even need to speak to me before then, if you don't want to. But I would hate for you to make a decision this vital because of raging hormones or a knee-jerk reaction. Please think about it, love- I'm begging you."

How could I deny him this? I couldn't. I obliged; nodded my head.

* * *

Edward left shortly thereafter. He didn't kiss me before he left- I think he knew better. Jacob had him in the passion department- Edward wasn't going to convince me that way. It didn't matter- Edward had done enough damage with his words. _A forever of happiness and love, which is what I promised you when I proposed to you_. God, I was _married_. Was I crazy? I was thinking of giving up Edward- I had to be.

Suddenly, I felt overwhelmingly exhausted. It was as if all of the emotion and drama of the past two weeks had hit me in a single instant- a knockout punch. I knew that I had some serious thinking to do. I also knew that I had a lot of time, way too much time, if you ask me, to do it. I trudged up the stairs to my room and collapsed on my bed, not even bothering to change or cover up with a blanket. I immediately fell asleep, and within minutes was dreaming of vampires and werewolves. I slept until dawn broke.


	18. Waiting

Waiting

When I woke up the next morning, I felt….rested. That was about it. My subconscious certainly didn't have any epiphanies while I had been sleeping- I still felt as confused as ever over what had transpired yesterday. And….hungry. Once again, I had skipped dinner- I was asleep before sunset. I plodded down the stairs to cook some breakfast. I saw the note that Charlie left on the kitchen table:

**Bells, **

**I'm not that mad. It looked like you were going through a really hard time yesterday. Sad about leaving Jacob when you go to Dartmouth? I shouldn't be back late from work today- I can take you out to dinner if you want. We can talk.**

**Dad**

**P.S. Angela called on Saturday evening. Said to call her back. **

I smiled. Charlie didn't say much, but he spoke volumes in his note. _Except that I don't think that I'll be leaving Jacob, Dad._ My smile disappeared. _But I'm not sure._ _I'm not sure about anything._

I started making an omelet, cracked open the eggs into a bowl, added salt and pepper, started mixing. _Mixed feelings, mixed emotions_. Added some oil to a pan, sautéed some green pepper, mushrooms, and onions that I had picked up last week. _My brain is fried_. Added the eggs to the pan, grated some cheddar_. My thoughts are scrambled_. Used a spatula to gently fold half of it over. _My stomach is folded into knots- it's practically inside out._ Waited for the cheese to melt. _Just waiting, waiting for it to be done. You're losing it, Bella. Enough with the food analogy._

After breakfast, I wondered what I was going to do for the rest of the day- well, the rest of the week, really. I wasn't ready to see Edward again. Jacob- well, I wanted to see him, but his hell week with Sam was supposed to start today- Jake told me he'd be pretty tied up until Wednesday or Thursday. _Okay, at least wait until Wednesday to try to call him. You won't look as desperate. _Ha! I had never wanted to play those games.

But I did feel-weird, I guess- Edward's compromise, having this huge decision to mull over, being left on my own to dwell on it_._ I tried to think of times since I had met Edward and Jacob when I didn't strongly feel the presence of at least one of them in my life. When Edward avoided me, before I knew what he was, and when he…. first left me- before Jacob and I were close. When Edward was still gone, and Jacob had first joined the pack, and had stayed away from me for those couple of weeks for fear of hurting me. I had survived- sort of. Sure, I might have been practically catatonic, a great candidate for a psychiatric ward, an insane asylum, but I had survived. _This is only until Wednesday. Quit being so melodramatic_.

But what was there to think about, really? I had made my decision yesterday; felt okay with it. So what if I had stood in front of all of the people I loved and lied to Edward? So what if I was going to go back on my vows after less than three weeks of marriage? Give up the person that I had promised to love forever? The very thought gave me butterflies. _Don't think about it, Bella._

Killing time, killing time. I called Angela back; she was happy to hear from me. I even gave in and called Renee. I told both of them the same story- as close to the truth as I could get it, which was pretty far- I was disappointed that I wouldn't have any time to come back and say my goodbyes before going away to college.

They both seemed to understand. I spent the rest of the time listening a lot, talking as little as possible- the last thing I wanted to do was reveal anything else that was going on.

Desperate for something to do, I called Newton's again, seeing if anyone had called in sick. This time, Mike Newton answered.

"I heard that you were back early, Bella," Mike said cheerfully. "What happened? Cullen couldn't get it up?" He jabbed jokingly. _He had no idea how right he was_.

"Shut up, Mike." I spat. I hung up on him immediately. A few minimum-wage shifts at Newton's over the next couple of days wasn't worth another second of listening to him. _As if I needed another reminder_. I quit it with the phone for a while after that.

Charlie arrived to take me out to dinner in time to find that the entire downstairs was spotless. Not that I was all that messy, mind you, especially in common areas. But I had decided to do a complete overhaul- moving furniture, the works- for lack of wanting anything else to occupy my mind. Charlie was psyched; I told him I needed to clean up after myself if I was going to be moving out of the house. _But was I going to be moving out of the house?_ I was wondering when or if I should bring it up. To be honest, I think that I would be perfectly content with telling Charlie at the last possible second that I had decided to stay.

We went to the local diner- nothing special. Charlie said that we could go someplace fancier, but I was craving a cheeseburger. He seemed in good spirits, and I was relieved that my odd behavior since I had returned home hadn't caused any permanent damage. We ended up talking a bit, I had to tell him something, but I was trying to be as evasive as possible. Edward and I were having some problems. I was confused. I was happy that Jacob was there for me. Phrased that way, my dilemma sounded almost normal. Charlie didn't press me- he knew all too well about marital problems. He didn't need to experience any of mine vicariously.

When we got back to the house, Charlie flipped on a Mariners game. Not wanting to be alone, I sat through it with him and gazed at the television. It was pretty torturous- I could have cared less about the game. And I didn't _want_ to zone out, think- that was the last thing I needed, to quadruple-guess myself.

After the baseball game was over, Charlie turned on another one that was only in the 6th inning. I guess I wasn't going to get any freedom with the TV this evening. Defeated, I trudged up the stairs. I lay in bed for hours before I felt even remotely sleepy. My last thought before closing my eyes: _One day down. Two more to go before I can call Jake. Ugh_. The next forty-eight hours or so were going to suck.

* * *

Somehow, _somehow_, I managed to make it until Wednesday evening without calling the Black residence. Jacob hadn't called- but I figured he wouldn't. Like Edward, I could sense that he was trying to let me call the shots. I had decided to wait to phone him until 7 p.m. In the meantime, I had made Charlie an outstanding dinner- stir-fry chicken and vegetables with peanut sauce. I had been so focused on keeping my mind occupied, cooking dinner, and clock-watching, that when I actually picked up the phone receiver to call Jake I realized that I hadn't exactly figured out what I wanted to say to him. Oh, well- I wasn't going to wait another second. I would wing it. I dialed the Blacks' house.

"Hello?" Billy answered.

"Hi Billy, this is Bella," I said, a twinge of embarrassment remaining from the last time I had spoken to him. "May I speak with Jacob, please?"

"Hi Bella. Jake just called me about an hour ago- he's still tied up at Sam's. He's been really busy, and has to stay at Sam's longer than he originally thought, but said that he should be back Friday night sometime. He didn't really have time to talk, but he also wanted me to give you a message in case you called: He misses you."

Warmth spread over my face as I felt myself blushing. "Thanks, Billy. I appreciate it. If he happens to call back, do you mind giving him a message as well?"

"Sure thing, Bella. Let me just grab a pen." I waited a moment while I heard the shuffling of paper on the other end of the line. "Okay, go ahead," he said.

"Just please tell him that I need to talk to him as soon as possible. Before Saturday. Please have him call me as soon as he can. And- I miss him, too. Thanks."

We said our goodbyes. After hanging up the phone, it felt bittersweet. The good news: Jacob missed me. He had made it a point to tell Billy. The bad: I still had to wait.


	19. Complications, Again

Complications, again

It was Friday evening. Jacob still hadn't called me. Charlie and I had just finished devouring the delicious pot roast that I had prepared for dinner. We had plenty of leftovers from the Wednesday evening's stir-fry, Thursday's lasagna- but that was irrelevant. It was the process of cooking dinner that I needed to clear my mind, distract me from all of the day's thoughts, things that I was now anxious to say but couldn't, not yet. Charlie ate it up, literally and figuratively. I had told Charlie with a smile as I handed him the steaming plate that I was enjoying the last of my culinary creativity before heading off to college and subsisting on a diet of pizza and beer. I felt guilty for lying, but hoped that the food itself would cancel out any bad karma.

Unlike earlier in the week, where I was trying to do anything _but_ think, I had actually spent most of the last two days soul-searching, evaluating my feelings and figuring out what I wanted to say to Jacob, to Edward. Despite the fact that I was lonely, I had to concede that Edward was probably right- taking time to think things through, on my own, had been beneficial. It wasn't so bad- I'm not sure why I had been dreading it so much. The guilt over what I'd done was there regardless of whether I consciously thought about it or not. And the weather was absolutely gorgeous, for Forks- I sat outside in my usual reading spot and looked at the sparse puffy clouds in the afternoon sun. In being incommunicado with either guy that I loved for a few days, I was able to reach some important conclusions.

First of all, I missed Jacob- I smiled as I remembered my closing line to Billy. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. But I _really missed_ him. His vivid white smile; his dark, perceptive eyes; his warm, comforting body. I missed his sense of humor; his directness. The way he looked at me. _All of it. All of him_. I missed the ease and comfort of the past weekend- and wanted to feel it for as long as I could. I didn't have a shred of doubt that I would be happy with him. As long as I lived.

Secondly, even though I still loved Edward, I felt a sliver of distance between us, growing slightly with each passing day, and for once, it was not unwelcome. I remember that Renee had told me once that it looked like Edward exerted a gravitational force on me, as if I revolved around him. I think that initially it took being with Jacob, being attracted to another force, to jerk me away from Edward's gravitational pull of black-hole-like proportions. But now, because was a little farther away, Edward's force had weakened a bit, which felt good-and it didn't have anything to do with Jacob at all. It had to do with me. I felt….like I could stand on my own, like I was in the calm part of the ocean rather than being swept up by a tumultuous undercurrent. I might not have been as….captivated, but I felt stronger, for myself. Right now, I needed that.

I remembered a conversation that Jacob and I had a while back, when he told me that Edward was like a drug for me. Thinking about it now, it made a lot more sense. I thought back to when Edward had ended things with me, left me in the forest. At the time, I was completely hooked on him, and his abrupt departure was the worst thing that ever could have happened to me. I was an addict, completely in denial, going through the throes of sudden withdrawal. I thought of some of the symptoms- cold sweats, heart palpitations, nightmares, uneven breathing. _Check, check, check, check. _

It was a little different now. Being with Jacob this short time, and even before when we were just friends, had felt so…._healthy_. I'm not sure I ever felt that way with Edward- it was no wonder that both of my parents were concerned about our relationship. I felt vital and alive this past weekend; the natural high was fantastic because I knew it was good _for_ me, too. Like the endorphins kicking in after exercise (so I've heard). So, if an addict knows that they're an addict, and they want to get healthy, is the withdrawal going to be as bad? I couldn't imagine that it would be. I hoped it wouldn't be. In fact, I could imagine welcoming the pain, because it was a necessary part of recovery, of moving on to a healthier life.

I was going to find out soon how bad the pain would be- giving up Edward was going to be one of the most difficult things I could ever imagine doing. But first, I needed to know that Jacob was going to be able to come with me to the Cullens' on Sunday morning. I knew myself too well- I wasn't sure if I was going to have the strength to face Edward alone.

Once again, I picked up the phone and dialed the Black residence, trying to get a handle on my breathing- I felt like I was about to hyperventilate. The ringing on the other end of the line felt like an eternity.

One ring, two, three, four. After six rings or so, someone picked up. "Hello?" It sounded like Billy, but the voice was somber, grave- not usually Billy's style.

"Billy? Is that you? This is Bella."

"Oh, hello Bella," he muttered absentmindedly, clearly distracted. "Are you looking for Jake?"

_Why else would I be calling?_ I wondered. Instead, I said, "Yeah, I am. He was supposed to be back this evening, right?"

"I think you should call Sam," Billy replied suddenly. "Do you have his number?"

"Uh, no," I said, taken aback. I grabbed a notepad and writing utensil, wrote down the numbers that Billy recited. "Billy, what's wrong? Is Jacob okay?"

"Just call Sam," was all he said before the line wend dead.

Well, that was weird. _What the hell is going on here?_ I wondered. Anxiety overtook my mindset as I started imagining the worst. _He_ _got into a fight with another tribe. He got hurt. There's some immediate threat._

I wasted no time in looking at the number I had written down and immediately dialing it. Sam answered on the first ring. "Hello, Uley residence," boomed the deep voice.

"Sam! What's going on?! Is Jacob okay? Is he hurt?!" I berated him the millisecond that I heard him on the line. I didn't waste any time. I was too frought with worry to be patient for Sam's response as it was.

"Bella, calm down. Jacob is fine. He's better than fine, in fact," Sam said smugly.

"Can I talk to him? Can you put him on the phone?" I begged.

"I don't think that would be a good idea just this second, Bella-" he started to respond.

"Why not, Sam?" I cut him off. "If he's not hurt, than what's going on? Why is he still there? Why won't you let him talk to me?!" I had a hysterical edge to my tone.

"Bella," Sam said softly. "Jacob imprinted."

_No_. I let the phone receiver slip through the palm of my hand, crash to the floor.

* * *

A/N: I know most of you are Jacob fans, and that you probably hate me right now. Don't. The story is not over- stay with me. Remember, I'm a Jacob fan, too.


	20. Paris, Again

Paris, again

I stood there, frozen, for several minutes. Very faintly, I could hear my name being called from the receiver below. Mechanically, I bent down and picked it up, placed it gently in the cradle. I simply couldn't deal with what had just been said.

_Jacob imprinted_.

I was too shocked to cry, to scream, to throw things. I felt numb. I had no energy. I lay down on my bed, waited for sleep to come. It didn't. I just lay there, stunned, the thought repeating itself in my head. _Jacob imprinted Jacob imprinted Jacob imprinted Jacob imprinted Jacob imprinted Jacob imprinted Jacob imprinted Jacob imprinted Jacob imprinted Jacob imprinted Jacob imprinted Jacob imprinted Jacob imprinted Jacob imprinted._ Shock. Denial. _Jacob imprinted. _Eventually, the same words repeated over and over in my brain had the same effect as counting sheep. After several hours, I eventually passed out.

When I woke up, I wasn't aware of how much time had gone by. All I saw was that it was still dark out. I half-opened one eye, glanced at my alarm clock- 3:23 a.m. I had only been asleep for two hours, and upon waking my stomach was immediately twisted into knots. I shifted position in bed, curling onto my side, bending my elbows and putting my hands underneath my pillow to warm them, when I felt my fingertips lightly brush something foreign. _A piece of paper_. That got my attention. My eyes pulled open, my brain instantly awake. What was this?

I reached out with one hand, flicked on the bedside lamp. I slowly unfolded the single sheet of paper. The handwriting was Edward's impeccable script:

_**Dear Mrs. Cullen,**_

_**Bella, I have spent almost an entire week without you, waiting patiently for your decision about what you desire for your future. It has been without a doubt the longest and one of the most anxiety-ridden weeks of my existence. I was hoping to share a few brief thoughts with you, regardless of whether or not you've made up your mind.**_

_**First of all, I sincerely regret the way I left you on Sunday. More than anything, I wanted to take you into my arms, give you the most passionate kiss you've ever had in your life, and be certain that you understood how deeply I care about you, how much I love you. However, I was afraid that if you didn't interpret my actions that way I had intended, than I would have confused you even more. But please know that I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around you and give you all of the love and emotion that you deserve.**_

_**Also, I have tried my hardest, once again, to give you the distance you need this week to think things through on your own. I haven't wanted to pressure you in any way, and I want the decision to be yours and yours alone. However, it occurred to me today that perhaps you could construe my distance as ambivalence- which couldn't be further from the truth. Bella, I have spent every hour this entire week thinking about you, about how incredibly beautiful you are, about how much you complete my life, hoping that you'll decide to be with me. And if you show up tomorrow, than I will spend the rest of eternity proving it to you.**_

_**I love you always, my beautiful wife,**_

_**Edward**_

By the time I had reached the bottom of the letter, the tears in my eyes obstructed the words on the piece of paper- I was crying so hard I could barely read. Over everything. How had it come to this? How had all of this even happened?

My tears came faster, harder; my blubbering louder, when I thought of Jacob. The words I kept repeating to myself last night had finally sunk in. _Jacob imprinted_. How could he leave me like this? He had _promised_ me, that if I came back to him, that he would marry me. How could he abandon me, go back on his word? _You haven't exactly come back to him, Bella_. That was true, but I just couldn't bring myself to face him now. Knowing. Jacob had told me all about the illogical nature of imprinting, but I just couldn't see him- I was too selfish. I realized that I still wanted him to look at me the way that he always had. I cried even harder. Because now, I knew even more about the life that I had to give up. And worse, that I wasn't choosing to give it up anymore. The choice had been taken out of my hands.

I cried thinking of Edward, too- his beautiful note. He must have slipped in while I had been sleeping- if anyone could get away with it, it would be Edward. Or had it been there before? Briefly, I wondered if Edward could hear what had been said on the phone last night. It didn't matter. I didn't deserve him. Not in any capacity. He was too considerate, too perfect- and I just kept fucking things up. He was restrained, which apparently gave me the go-ahead to walk all over him. I bowed my head in shame.

I seemingly cried for hours. For what I did to Edward, for the loss of Jacob- as a lover, but more importantly, as my best friend- he was gone forever, I would never be the same person to him again. I sobbed and sobbed, tears streaming down my cheeks, sometimes so hard that I couldn't breathe evenly- I kept coughing, felt like I was going to faint.

The Bella angel and the Bella devil were back. As I wept, I could almost _feel_ the Bella angel on my left tap my shoulder.

_Things don't have to change, Bella. You were going to transform and be with Edward anyway. Isn't that what you always wanted? You're still his wife, after all._

The Bella devil protested. _But you just found out about Jacob. You should take more time to think things through, before you make such a big decision. It's the rest of eternity!_

The Bella angel: _Jacob, Schmacob. He's moved on. So should you. Jacob's probably with some Native American beauty who is more stunning than Leah- and way nicer. Edward is perfect and you know it. Just look at the note that he wrote you!_

I tried to tune them out. Truthfully, I wasn't sure which one was the devil and which one was the angel anymore. But the words that I just heard were rough. _He's moved on. So should you._I cringed, another tear making its way down my face.

I thought back to Sunday. Edward leaving me without so much as a kiss. At the time, I remembered being _relieved_ that he didn't take me into his arms. Wasn't that saying something? But suddenly, another thought from that day hit me like a Mack truck. Right before I told him that I wanted to be with Jacob, the thought that I had stuck in my mind was: _I had two amazing choices; most people are lucky if they get one_. That was true- I _did_ have two amazing choices. Now I only had one. _But one still means that I'm lucky_.

I thought of Romeo and Juliet. I remembered a long time ago thinking that Jacob was my Paris, after Edward my Romeo had left me. I almost chuckled. Surely I had that mixed up. How could anyone _other_ than Jacob be Romeo? And if Jacob was my Romeo, did that make Edward my Paris?

My mind was churning, still trying to comprehend that Jacob, my Romeo, was gone. But Edward's fortuitous timing managed to remind me, that despite how much I loved Jacob, how much I wanted to be with him, that Edward, Paris, was still here for me. He still wanted me, even if Jacob didn't. _I didn't want to be alone_.

Without taking any more time to think about it, I picked up the phone, dialed Edward's cell. He answered on the first ring.

"Bella?" his voice sounded strained, the least composed that I had ever heard it sound. "Bella, did you get my note?"

"Yes, Edward," was all I said in reply.

"What did you think of it?" He proceeded slowly, cautiously, waiting for my response.

"I mean….yes; I want to be with you. I want you and Carlisle to change me. I want to be a vampire and be with you for eternity. I've made my decision. Can we do it later today?"

I think that I shocked him; he took several seconds to respond. When he did, he laughed nervously. "Love, I think that can be arranged."


	21. Big Day, Again

Big Day, again

In fact, it could be arranged- all it took was about a minute conference between Edward and Carlisle on the other end of the phone line while I waited impatiently. Having prepared for my transformation for the next day anyway, he had all the supplies that he needed. Seeing that my state was going to be….tempting, the rest of the Cullen crew had gone out hunting; however, most of them had been gone since Thursday and were well satisfied, so it was no big deal at all to cut the trip a day short.

The biggest loose ends to tie up had actually come on my side. Saying goodbye. Though really, this wasn't as difficult as you might expect. I had seen everyone I loved at the wedding, had said all of my goodbyes then, thinking that it would be the last time I would ever see anyone. Only a select few even knew that I was back from my honeymoon. And of those who did, most of them thought I was leaving tomorrow anyway. I thought of Angela, Mike, Renee. A simple phone call in a week or two, as soon as I was feeling up to it, would remedy any worries that they would have about not talking to me before I left. _I was too busy packing_, I would say. _I was too nervous about going away- it slipped my mind_. They would understand. And Jacob- I cringed again. It's not like I needed to say goodbye to him. I would be lucky if he noticed that I was gone. The biggest, most important goodbye was still in bed. _Charlie_. I wanted to leave, get to Edward's place as soon as possible, and get as far away from my doubts and as close to comforting arms as I could. But I couldn't leave without saying goodbye to Charlie.

I took a few minutes, packed a bag. What would I need? Not much, I suppose. _Besides_, I chuckled to myself; _this room will probably stay exactly the same for the next fifteen years_. _Plus, I would probably be able to sneak in, with my super-vampire abilities, snatch whatever I want, and slip away without Charlie being the wiser. _I settled on a single overnight bag with a change of clothes, some toiletries, and a few small valuables. As I rooted through my jewelry box, I noticed the bracelet with the charms that both Edward and Jacob had given me, decided to pack it. At that moment, I realized that I was still wearing Jacob's necklace. Impulsively, I took it off, flung it across the room as hard as I could. It hit the wall, pretty hard, before sliding to the floor next to my shoes. Feeling weak, I went over and picked it back up- I couldn't leave it there. I stuffed it deep into a side pocket of my bag.

The rattling noise was enough to wake Charlie. Within a minute, I could hear him get up, lumber down the hallway, knock on my door.

"Bells? Is everything all right?"

"Sure, Dad, everything's fine," I said smoothly, not sure if I sounded convincing. I opened the door.

Charlie was standing there in his bathrobe and slippers, hair sticking up. He smiled at me for a moment, but when he saw that I was doing, he quickly looked concerned. "What's going on, Bella? Why are you packing?"

"Uh, I'm leaving today, Charlie," I lied quickly. "Edward….needs to get to campus and…uh, meet with his advisor," I said.

"On a Saturday?" Charlie looked confused.

"Um, we're driving. We need to uh….get on the road today if we're going to get there by his appointment on…" I did my best mathematical calculation based on how many miles I thought I could drive in a day versus about how far away I thought Dartmouth was from here… "Thursday morning." There. Hopefully that was convincing enough.

"Bella, why are you only bringing an overnight bag?" Charlie asked suspiciously. _Whoops_. Didn't think about that part.

"Uh, um…." I stammered, stalling, trying to think of something to say. "….because…..I want to keep my room here the same. I plan on visiting a lot." I took the sentimental route- prayed he would buy it.

Charlie looked touched, yet a trace of skepticism remained behind his eyes. He pulled me in for a hug. "Thanks, Bella. I would love to have you anytime. Even if that means having Edward here, too- you guys can both share this room if you want. You're married now." He looked a bit pained as he said it.

I squeezed him hard. "Thanks, Dad," I whispered, "I do plan on coming a lot. Thank you so much for letting me stay here these last two weeks. It's been….great to spend this time with you."

Charlie's eyes misted up just a bit. "Sure thing, kiddo," He said gruffly. "Good luck in school. I know that you'll do fantastic. I'm actually….glad that Edward will be with you- I know you'll be taken good care of. But if you have any questions, just call me, okay? And keep in touch, even if you don't." He returned the hug's intensity for a moment. Then, looking like he was going to cry, and desperately not wanting to do it in front of me, he turned around and started to exit out of my bedroom door. I could barely catch a "Goodbye, Bella," from his general direction as he strode back to his room.

_Whoosh_. I felt a surge of emotion leave my body. I looked around my room- I had packed everything that I really cared about. And Edward had the money to take care of the rest. I shut the door; left it all behind.

I walked down the stairs, surveying Charlie's house. I had taken all of the material possessions that mattered, but this place had accumulated so many…memories. I looked in the living room. Where Edward had spent so many evenings with me after I was grounded for possession of a motorcycle. The kitchen. Where Jacob had washed dishes with me, and I saw his werewolf-healing abilities for the first time. By the downstairs phone, where Jacob and I nearly kissed before being interrupted by that life-changing phone call. Wow. I was going to miss it. On the bright side, memories of Jacob were only going to hurt- a knife digging deeper and deeper. Maybe it was better that I was leaving it all behind to start fresh.

I hopped into the Guardian, sped away from the only house I had really known in the last couple of years. At the moment, I couldn't get away fast enough.

* * *

I arrived at the Cullens' a little while later, checked my watch. 8:17 a.m. Edward was waiting for me outside; of course Alice had seen me arriving. He approached me slowly, his arms out ready for an embrace. I literally sprinted into them, crashing into him before allowing him to hold me tightly. We hugged for several minutes, me taking in as much of his cool, hard body as I could. He let me go after a while, but grabbed my hand, and let me inside. The first thing I noticed was how good it smelled.

Esme was preparing me breakfast- I shouldn't have been a bit surprised. Fresh squeezed orange juice, coffee, a half a grapefruit, and….it looked like she was making Eggs Benedict. I groaned- it triggered all the wrong sorts of memories. _Um, like you spending eighteen hours in bed with a werewolf while your vampire husband was out hunting? Yeah, those very ones_. I faked a smile. "This looks wonderful, Esme," I complimented sincerely, not having to lie. They really did look fantastic- better than my version. However, this didn't make me want to eat them. I focused instead on the grapefruit, taking a spoonful of sugar from the bowl in front of me and starting to lightly sprinkle it on top. Edward sat next to me and observed. I started eating it slowly, section by section.

Esme bustled around the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes. Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmett briefly came through to welcome me, but they all had other things to get done before the "ceremony", seeing as I disrupted their plans for today, they all said to call them once we were ready. After a few minutes, Carlisle came into the kitchen.

"Okay, Bella, I think it's all set up. We're going to do this in Edward's room."

"Edward's room?" I asked, astonished. _Why on earth would we do the transformation in there?_ I wondered.

"It should be somewhere comfortable for you," Edward explained softly, shooting me a wink and a grin. "Carlisle has heard that you might have a better reaction that way." He looked at my meal, saw that I had finished eating and had put my spoon down. My half-eaten grapefruit lay unfinished on the plate; everything else was untouched. He held his hand out to me, looked into my eyes, then over to Carlisle, then back to me. "Are you ready?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," I said slowly. I let him lead me up the stairs.


	22. Blood Type, Again

Blood Type, again

When we got to Edward's room, I could barely recognize it. The most familiar component was his relatively new and massive bed- I was grateful that Carlisle didn't need to substitute a hospital bed that likely would have had me wanting to jump out of it immediately. But the center of Edward's bed looked as inviting as ever. It was what was surrounding the bed that was making me nervous.

Ridiculously sophisticated medical equipment. A fancy computer with attachments to everything. A drip IV. An EEG. And- of course- a heart monitor- the fancy ones that they always show in the ER in movies where as someone dies you slowly see the waves, the blips, slow down (or speed up), then disappear. I wondered if I would hear that happening to myself.

After giving my hand a final squeeze, Edward quickly sat to the side in a small chair that had been placed next to one of the computer monitors. He obviously wanted to give Carlisle space to perform his exam and get things started, didn't want to interfere until he was needed.

The first thing that Carlisle did was hand me a plastic cup. "As your father-in-law, I hate to ask you this, Bella," he began hesitantly, "but I need a urine sample." I had to sympathize with his awkwardness. I grabbed the cup from him; dashed down the hall, quickly peed the required amount into the receptacle, and returned to Edward's room. I embarrassingly presented Carlisle with my sample. Carlisle set it onto a tabletop, next to a basket of indicator dyes, litmus paper strips, and God knows what else. He turned back to me, handing me a Q-tip. "Please swab the inside of your mouth, Bella," he requested calmly. I obliged. Finally, he withdrew a needle, gently grabbed my forearm. "Bella, I'm going to take a small blood sample from your finger. Look away. If you feel lightheaded, let me know." He carefully pricked the needle into my skin.

Ouch. _That really hurt_. I instinctively tried to jerk my hand away, but Carlisle had a firm grip. Moments later, I could smell the iron scent of my blood as he squeezed it from my fingertip into a tiny plastic tube. I had to fight not to faint. It was amazing- I had gone through almost this exact procedure merely a week and a half earlier in the meadow, and had felt fine. _But_, I rationalized; _I had pricked my own finger. Plus, I was really focused on getting laid_.

A couple of seconds later, it was over. Carlisle had taken the blood that he had needed. He had now turned his back to me, mixing all of my bodily fluids with things that would tell us that, hopefully, I was prepared for this, ready. It took him a minute to mix everything together, and had managed to hook up the tube to an electrode on the computer somehow. He then set a timer, I was presuming, to wait for the results. In the meantime, he turned back to me.

If Carlisle could blush, he would, as his outstretched hand contained one of those awful hospital smocks. Without a word, I knew what he wanted, and this time expertly maneuvered into it where I was without having to reveal anything or go down the hall. It was one of those tricks to being a girl, I suppose.

Once I was in the proper attire, Carlisle began examining me. He took a bright flashlight-looking apparatus to my eyes, ears. He took a tongue depressor and poked around, looked in the depths of my mouth. He took my blood pressure with a sphygmomanometer, and critically examined my pulse. He then retrieved his stethoscope for what I was guessing was the most crucial part of the examination.

Carlisle placed the stethoscope to my chest and found my heart beat, listened. It was thumping so loudly, I could hear it myself. Buh-boom. He moved the instrument around to different areas of my chest and back, listening each time for any change. Buh-boom. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with sadness so profound that I couldn't contain it. _As long as your heart is still beating, Bella…_ Buh-boom. _Bella, Jacob imprinted_. Buh-boom. _Jacob wasn't going to stop me_. A small part of me had been irrationally hoping that he would magically show up here, swoop in on a chandelier, and rescue me. Buh-boom. It was ludicrous- his mind was on other things now, and even if he cared about me enough to want me to stay human, he didn't even know if the transformation was supposed to take place. Or when. And even if he had, I had pushed up the time by 24 hours. If I had been trying to set up a damsel-in-distress situation for him to be my knight in shining armor, I failed miserably. Tears filled my eyes. I quickly closed them, and lowered my head, to try to prevent them from falling.

Thankfully, no one noticed. Carlisle had finished examining my heart and had turned to discuss things with Edward. I could hear them speaking about complicated physiological things like the viscosity of blood versus venom, and what my VFR (venom flow rate) would be given my blood pressure and heart rate. Edward then asked Carlisle if everything was all right.

Carlisle nodded stiffly. "Her examination went well. I think you can call the others in. We're just waiting on a confirmation of her 'lab tests'"- he gestured to his makeshift laboratory to his right- "but her specimens looked good from the naked eye. The timer should go off in a minute, and then we'll be good to go."

Edward called in the rest of his family. Carlisle had me lay down in the middle of the bed, where he attached the electrodes to my chest, my head. Everybody entered the room, forming a circle around the foot of the bed- and Edward came up to my side, grasping my hand with both of his. I was nervous, flushed- and his cool hand helped to put me at ease. Everyone's gazes moved from me to Carlisle, waiting expectantly.

BEEP! Suddenly, the timer buzzed. Carlisle went over, turned it off, and examined several results in his "laboratory". Approaching a piece of paper of some sort, he gave it a cursory inspection, then did a double-take. He went to check the results on the computer monitor, shook his head. A perplexed expression on his face, he immediately waved the slip of paper through the air before examining it again. He picked it up and strode over to his family, huddled around the footboard.

"Is everything all right, honey?" asked Esme.

"I saw that," Alice said, trying to be helpful. "I just didn't understand what it meant."

Carlisle turned to address me. "Bella, everything looks good except for this one result. It seems you have significantly elevated levels of HCG in your blood. It was confirmed by ultra-sensitive thin-layer chromatography of your urine." he attempted to explain.

I was lost, anxious. "What does that mean, Carlisle? Am I sick?"

"No, you're not sick, Bella," Edward jumped in, sheer pain in his voice. He looked at me with heartbroken eyes. "HCG stands for human chorionic gonadotropin. It's secreted by an embryo. You're pregnant."


	23. Options

Options

I sat there in stunned silence for what felt like forever. _Pregnant?! _Slowly, sensing that the transformation would be nothing if not postponed, and not wanting to find themselves embroiled in the middle of _this_ situation, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, and Esme turned and trickled out the door of Edward's bedroom, leaving just Edward, Carlisle, and myself. My jaw was dropped to the floor, my mouth open- yet I couldn't will myself to say anything.

It was Carlisle who broke the silence. "Does this news surprise you, Bella?" Astoundingly, he managed to not sound even a bit judgmental.

I gulped. "Uh, sort of, but not….exactly," I said, my voice sounding hoarse. I coughed. "But….you can tell….this early?" God, I felt like a horrible person. I was speaking to my husband's _father_, for crying out loud. I shot Edward a sidelong glance. He was staring towards Carlisle, a pained expression on his face. I wanted to disappear into the bed. It was gigantic; I could probably try.

"Yes, HCG levels can be elevated within a week or so. I'm not sure how I should say this, Bella, but as your doctor, at least right now, I feel obligated to inform you of what your options are," he said seriously.

I nodded stoically. Carlisle continued. "I don't know what you're thinking about all of this, but you need to know that as far as I am concerned, besides these elevated hormone levels, you are in perfectly good condition to undergo this transformation. I don't foresee any complications, and, as Edward may have mentioned, there are several reasons that we believe your transformation may go more smoothly than most." He lowered his voice, spoke more softly: "However, I need to state the obvious and say that if you decide to be changed, you will not be able to carry your pregnancy to term. Granted, it is extremely early, and miscarriages can happen anyway, even in staying human. And that is, of course, assuming that you wanted to keep the baby. But unfortunately if you decide to proceed with your transformation we can only change you, we can't change the embryo at the same time. I wish we could." He looked wistful.

I nodded slowly, numb. "Bella, do you have any idea what you want to do?" Carlisle asked me gently.

I shook my head, looked down at the floor. Tears welled up in my eyes. "I need to think about it," I whispered. And then, I did what any normal pregnant girl who was trying to decide whether she should be a vampire would have done. I ran.

* * *

I ran. Down the hall, the stairs, through the foyer, out the front door, down the sidewalk, to the car. I jumped into the Guardian, threw it into gear, and sped off. I drove straight towards La Push reservation, as fast as I could go, which, in this car, was pretty damn fast. I refused to look down after I saw the speedometer hit 110. _My driving record is spotless_, I thought. _Plus, I'm the chief's daughter_. Surely if I got pulled over for speeding I could get out of it somehow. But then, I thought of the–_embryo_- as Edward said, slowly developing in my body. I couldn't believe I was pregnant. I slowed down. I had to think about more than myself right now.

What Jacob and I shared was…special, but never in a million years could I have possibly imagined how meaningful it _still_ was. If nothing else, this new development entitled me to a few minutes of Jacob's time. He deserved to know. And he _needed_ to know, he was _going_ to know, whether he wanted to or not. My overwhelming shock slowly transformed itself into gut-wrenching anxiety as I started getting closer and closer to the Quileute boundary. _What if he didn't want to talk to me? What if he didn't even care?_

As I approached La Push, I wondered if I should go to the Blacks' or to Emily's. Since Emily's was closer, I figured that perhaps I should swing by there first. I had been there before; knew how to navigate my way to the tiny house. Sam was the last person I spoke to, and all of the events Jacob had to attend this past week seemed to take place there. Thankfully, there were cars parked in the driveway. Momentarily relieved, I got out of my car and approached the cottage. Sam met me outside- obviously he had seen me coming.

I wasn't intimidated by him. I walked straight up to him. "Where the hell is Jacob?" I asked angrily. I needed to speak to him, and I wasn't going to take any of Sam's feeble explanations this time.

Sam raised his arms in surrender. "Bella, don't be mad. Please. Let me explain." His dark eyes took in my anger, tried to refract it in an entirely different direction.

"I'm not interested in hearing it, Sam. I want to talk to Jacob. I have to tell him something extremely important. Where is he?" I pressed. I put my hands on my hips in a no-nonsense kind of way.

"Bella, he's inside. But wait, don't go!" He grabbed my wrist as I tried to push past him towards the front door. I glared down at his hand until he sheepishly released it. "Bella, I have to tell you something about Jacob…" Sam began. "About his….imprinting," he lowered his voice to a whisper.

"What, Sam? What do I have to know about it? Besides how awful it is for me? Trust me, I already know that. I keep picturing it- seeing Jacob with someone else, tall, dark, tan, beautiful. Don't worry; I realize how hard this is going to be. Jacob won't ever be the same to me anymore. I know. He won't ever look at me the same way, or feel the same way about me, again. I get it. But I'm having his _baby_, Sam. I'm pregnant, and I need to tell him. Let me see him, talk to him. Now."

A look of amazement covered Sam's face. "So that explains it," he whispered to himself, nodding his head, drifting off for a moment. He then looked at me earnestly, returning to the real world. "Bella, you're right. Jacob won't ever look at you the same way again." He slowly gave me a massive grin. "Bella, Jacob imprinted on _you_."


	24. Answers

Answers

I stepped dead in my tracks. Surely I heard him wrong. "What did you say?" I asked him.

"Jacob imprinted on you, Bella," Sam repeated.

My brain refused to comprehend it. "That's impossible," I whispered. "I haven't even seen him since Sunday. Sam, you've got it wrong." I fidgeted. It couldn't be true. It couldn't.

"He finished his obligations with me yesterday afternoon, called home. Billy had given him a message that you urgently needed to speak with him, so he immediately left to go and see you. He was running to your place, saw you outside, and imprinted. It really freaked him out because you hadn't yet told him what you wanted. He was terrified. Imprinting is usually absolute, but it's not like Jake had never seen you before, Bella. He had, he already loved you, had told you how he felt about you, and you had rejected him, multiple times. He had no idea what he would have done at that point if you had said that you wanted to stay with Edward. He would have been utterly devastated. Exponentially more so than he would have been ordinarily."

"But-, But-," I stammered, but couldn't think of how to complete my thought. It wasn't making any sense.

"Jacob's only relief was that you hadn't seen him, so he didn't have to deal with any confrontations. He came back to me right after that, in a complete panic. He was scared to death. He didn't want to do anything to screw it up, and the feeling was so new to him, he was ultra-emotional. So he stayed in our spare room; told me to keep him in there and not let him do anything stupid. I wouldn't let him leave, or come out until this morning."

I thought back to…..God, had it really only been last night? I realized that I was exhausted- it had been a long day and a half. No wonder I wasn't able to wrap my brain around anything that was being said. But that tiny little piece of the puzzle seemed to click into place somewhere in the recesses of my mind. The phone call. Sam telling me that Jacob couldn't come to the phone just yet. _THAT was why?!_ "But- Sam, why didn't you tell me?"

"Bella, I tried to! You hung up the phone before I could explain!"

"But…..you could have called me back. You could have let me know." I was still in denial.

"Bella, Jacob called you back this morning, as soon as he had slept on it, felt brave enough. Charlie answered the phone, and told him that you and Edward had left for 'Dartmouth'. I've never seen him so upset; he was crying by the time he got off the phone. He assumed that you had made your choice."

I looked downward, tears filling my eyes, _again_. The thought of Jacob being in that much pain simply broke my heart. "I had," I murmured, tears spilling over. "I had made my choice, Sam. I went to the Cullens' to be changed this morning. I thought that Jacob had moved on. I wanted to, too."

"What made you leave, Bella?"

"I found out that I was pregnant," I told him.

"How did you find out?" Sam inquired softly.

"Carlisle gave me a blood test."

Sam snorted. "It figures."

"Thank God for it, Sam. If I hadn't found out….then I would be….." I couldn't complete the sentence.

I took a few deep breaths, tried to recover. "Sam, I have a question, could Jacob have…." I still couldn't get past this, "-_imprinted-_" couldn't accept it, "_because_ of what the blood test read? _Because_ I am" this was hard to accept, too- "pregnant?"

Sam nodded in affirmative. "Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. When you told me just a few minutes ago, things sort of fit together. There aren't that many of us, you know, but some legends say that children can trigger the imprinting reflex. Of course it was subconscious, but if Friday was really the first time that he saw you since," he paused, searching for the right word, "well, the _life_ that you guys made started growing, than it's quite possible that that was why he imprinted now, when he never had before."

Wow. I tried to take in the events of the last few hours. It was impossible- too much had changed. I went from being ready to scrap the rest of my human life, give it all up to become a vampire; to _pregnant_, carrying a brand new life of my own. And from being devastated, thinking that Jacob had moved on, forgotten all about me, to having been…._imprinted on_. The ultimate, uncontrollable action of devotion, security, and love. All for me, if I wanted it.

But what _did_ I want? I still had options. There were still questions. I could still be with Edward, become a vampire, if I desired. I hadn't had very much time to bond with that new life growing inside me, if I was going to give it up, it would be easier to do it now than later. Edward had shown me the ultimate devotion as well, I thought, thinking back to his note. He still wanted me; I had no doubt, despite being pregnant with someone else's baby. How could anyone be more devoted than that?

Just then, Jacob appeared in the doorway. His gigantic stature forced him to duck underneath the doorframe to get outside. He slowly approached us. From the distance that he currently stood from me, he looked absolutely awful. He was a little paler than I remembered him, and for once, he looked thinner. His hair was ruffled; messy. His shirt torn; his jeans tattered.

As he got closer, however, I noticed a big distinction. His eyes. I remembered when I was at his place, and he had led me backwards through the house to his bedroom- I remember being almost scared by the look of intensity in his eyes. That look was nothing, _nothing_, compared to what I saw now. And they weren't just filled with lust, desire; they were filled with love, with certainty, with emotion, with everything that I could possibly want. At that moment, I had only one option. At that moment, all of my questions had been answered.

* * *

Without a word, Jacob swept his arms around me and picked me up, twirling me around in a couple of circles. "You came back," he whispered, amazed.

He held me so close, squeezed me so hard, that I felt like I had to say something. "Be careful, honey," I said, smiling, turning his term of endearment back around on him, "Don't crush us."

His eyes grew as wide as saucers as he released me slightly; let my feet touch the ground. "Us?" he whispered. "So what I thought I had heard just a minute ago is true? Bella, are you…." His voice cracked with emotion; he couldn't finish his sentence. All I could do was nod my head, my throat choking up a bit and my eyes getting glassy. In response, Jacob kissed me, exuding the same passion and intensity that drew me towards him in the first place.

After his lips released from mine, I had the courage, and the voice, to speak up. "You're still going to marry me, right?" I asked shyly.

He grinned. "Of course, honey," he replied. "I'm not going to screw this up. I'm so happy, I'm lucky to have the opportunity to have everything that I've ever wanted," he chuckled huskily; gently rubbed my belly, "and sooner than I could ever have hoped."

* * *

A/N: One chapter left! Will probably post tomorrow :)


	25. Epilogue: Time, Again

Epilogue- Time, again

Approximately nine months later

I lay on my side in bed, the only way I wasn't completely uncomfortable, looking at the giant protuberance that was my tummy. It was huge, even bigger than I imagined it could be. I remember the silly times in my childhood where I had "pretended" to be pregnant- I had used a small throw pillow to simulate what I would look like. _Not even close_. Maybe if I had tried a basketball, I would be on the right track.

Jacob was lying next to me- sort of. In the last few weeks, he had become accustomed to gently resting his head on or near my bump. He was utterly fascinated with feeling any kick or movement, and of course he was able to pick up on a few extra things with his wolf senses; especially the baby's quickened heartbeat. Truthfully, it was adorable, watching Jacob's keen interest in everything having to do with my pregnancy. I smiled. He was young, but he was going to make a great dad.

As of now, we still called it _the baby_- we weren't sure yet if it was going to be a boy or girl. Jacob had his ideas based on how the baby was moving, but refused to clue me in, and he said it wasn't foolproof. I had the regular checkups, everything seemed fine- but I didn't care to know the sex- it didn't matter. We had some preliminary baby names picked out- Sarah Renee for a girl, Charles Harold for a boy- it was a lot easier when you just borrowed other people's. I had suggested William in honor of Billy, but Jacob thought that it would be cool to have Harold for Harry Clearwater- after all; it was his funeral that almost brought us together, caused us to almost kiss, so long ago. Besides, Jacob assured me, teasingly punching my arm, we were going to have a couple more boys, at least, so all the names would get used. Even Jacob itself- I loved the name and wanted a Jake Jr. around.

Jacob told me that there wouldn't be anything telling about whether or not our offspring had inherited the wolf gene- at least not until puberty. That was a relief. Although, it was uncertain whether the gene would ever get triggered at all. There were no more vampires in Forks. The Cullens had moved away.

I thought back to the day when Jacob and I finally got together. It was wonderful, amazing, magical- but it hadn't been without its hardships. Like all things in life, I was learning to take the bad with the good. I remember the phone call that I made to Edward's cell. Trembling fingers as I dialed the number. Feeling so awful for everything I had done to him that I just wanted the floor to swallow me up. I remember calmly explaining to him that I had made my choice, and that this time I wasn't going to change my mind; while on the inside all I wanted to do was break down. Edward had been as gracious about it as anyone could possibly ask. Certainly more gracious than I deserved. After I hung up the phone, I cried in Jacob's arms for hours. Thankfully, he understood.

I also remember speaking with Charlie, telling him that I was going to stay and be with Jacob. I didn't tell him the news of my pregnancy just yet- I felt like I was shocking him enough by saying that I wasn't going away to college after all. While he was ecstatic that I was going to be around, and loved Jacob like a son already, he was a bit apprehensive that I was choosing to stay in Forks instead of going to a reputable school like Dartmouth to pursue my career and my dreams. I told him that my dreams were coming true right here; but career-wise, I placated him by enrolling for a couple of courses at the local community college. Charlie even offered to pay tuition as long as I kept my grades up, which I gladly accepted. It was one of the easiest decisions I had to make- I would have tried to go to school anyway.

A few days later, I had received a packet in the mail. No return address on the envelope- I wondered if that meant that they were no longer at their place. All of the annulment papers, expertly drawn up by an attorney. They were already signed by Edward- his perfect script completing each page. All I had to do was sign the pages, put the papers in the addressed stamped envelope, and send it off.

It should have been easy. And that day, it was- I quickly signed my name in the required places and sent the packet back to some lawyer's office. But it wasn't always easy. I still thought of Edward, once in a while- and it made me sad, the way things turned out, in light of how they could have been. Wouldn't it have been much simpler if he had never come back after he left me? Instead things had to be so hard, so complicated. So much hurt. And there were things I missed about Edward, too- his soft velvet voice, his golden topaz eyes, his coolness- at least when it was hot out. But I found that if my mind ever wandered toward Edward, it never took long before I got a reality check, a swift kick in the butt.

Actually, in my case it was a swift kick in the gut. In fact, I was feeling them now, as our baby apparently didn't like the position in which it was laying and felt the need to move around. Every time I felt those kicks, I was reminded of how lucky I was; that I made the right decision. I suppose you could say it was partly the mother-child bonding, but it was also just the knowing that things were taking their natural course; it was _supposed_ to be this way. I shifted position slightly. Jacob roused momentarily, but was soon back asleep and snoring again.

I thought some more. The Cullens' leaving actually turned out to be a good thing for more than the reason of me being able to avoid the occasional uncomfortable run-in with Edward- within a few months, Jacob had stopped phasing. Which benefited us tremendously, because it freed up a lot time that he would have had to spend with the pack. Though Jacob had offered to drop out of school and get a full-time job, I wouldn't hear of it. Instead, I continued to work at Newton's Olympic Outfitters while going to school. Yeah, the pay kind of sucked, and I had to deal with Mike Newton- crazily enough, he still couldn't seem to take a hint, though I found it humorous that as my stomach got bigger his not-so-subtle come-ons became fewer and finally ceased. But on the upside, it was low-stress, knowing the owners gave me some added flexibility, and I could study when it was slow- which was frequently. I enjoyed my coursework, a lot- and even though I still wasn't comfortable with blood, I opted for the Biology route. Though I didn't see myself becoming a doctor, I really liked genetics, especially when I thought about what made up the werewolf gene. _Too bad they didn't teach that in the text_.

As for Jacob, I had convinced him, in light of the child that we would soon have to support, that maybe it would be a good time to give up some of that _pro bono_ mechanical work that he was doing, and maybe try to make a little bit of extra money out of it. Amazingly, word of mouth spread rapidly, and Jacob was able to bring in a steady income- in fact, some weeks it was better than a full-time job. He worked hard in his garage, late into the night sometimes- and was perfectionistic about doing everything right. He probably still undercharged people a little, giving them a way better deal than any other local mechanic. But I didn't care, I was proud of him- and it only drew in additional business.

Jacob and I got married shortly thereafter; I wanted to make sure it was before it was too obvious that there was any ulterior motive. It was a day of mixed emotions. Standing up and saying my vows out loud, again, in front of people, made me feel like a fake- I had done it before, merely a couple of months ago, and here I was again. But Jacob was great- he insisted that we do the wedding _my_ way- meaning, no fancy invitations, no couture gown, no overblown reception. Instead, I wore a simple dress- no lace, no flowers- and we had the wedding right in La Push, in Billy's tiny backyard. It was small- Charlie, Renee and Phil, Angela and Ben, Billy, Jacob's sisters and their significant others, and, of course, the pack and their dates. No stress, just fun. We partied hard afterward- except for me, of course, drinking sparkling apple cider.

We figured that on our wedding day, when we had Renee and Phil around, too- would be the best time to make the announcement that we were expecting. We figured on such a big day our parents would be the least likely to get mad at us. They took it well- but, I realized in retrospect, it was because I don't think they were surprised. Why else would we rush?

A few days later, _we_ got a big surprise. A combined wedding and shower gift from all of our parents- a house! More specifically, Billy's house- he decided to move in with Charlie. It was fantastic- they could take care of each other, easing my guilt a bit for moving out. Not to mention, when we brought our baby over, he or she could see both of their granddads at the same time. Charlie was ecstatic to have a roommate- I think after me being around he decided he didn't want to live alone anymore. We had been to visit several times- they seemed happy, like they really enjoyed each other's company.

So that's where we were- Jacob and I and our unborn little one, in our small shack in La Push. Lying in Jacob's bed. I smiled. Our life wasn't always easy- in fact; sometimes it was pretty damn hard. But it was all worth it. I was happy.

Well, happy except for my extreme discomfort. Just then, I experienced what I thought was a pretty painful cramp. But then, _whoosh_- all of a sudden much of the bottom half of the bed was soaked with a clear fluid. Jacob woke instantly.

"Honey, are you all right?" he asked, his deep-set eyes concerned, stroking my hair.

"My water just broke, Jake. We need to get to a hospital." I replied, smiling. "It's time. Don't worry; everything's going to be great."

And it was.


End file.
